


A New Spirit

by LadyGravdian



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Ain't nobody got time for realistic relationship problems, Canon Divergence, Canon Typical Violence, Spirits, and other weird shit, bad ass clarke, post 2x16
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-30
Updated: 2018-01-06
Packaged: 2018-10-25 18:30:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 24,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10769943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyGravdian/pseuds/LadyGravdian
Summary: Shit got weird in the forest and now Clarke has to deal with the fallout. Luckily fate seemed to have decided to give a bit of a break, but how long will it last?It's a weird world and people have to deal with weird shit.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know if I write crap, preferably in a useful way. I hope to update this fiction regularly, but it's exam season so I can't make any promises. I hope you enjoy!
> 
>  
> 
> PS:FUCK YOU JASON

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This goes for the entire work: Any dialog written in italics is spoken in Trigedasleng.

Chapter 1  
The feel of the leather moving in-between her fingers calmed Lexa as she was sitting on the throne in her tent. The dagger twirling around her hand pulled Lexa's focus, anchoring her to reality and preventing the storm inside her from rising up and consuming her irrevocably.

Emotions tumbled around inside her with a fury. They battled for dominance as Lexa tried to sort them out so she could lock them away again. She was furious with herself for caring so deeply for the Skaigona with golden hair and oceans for eyes. Love is weakness, Titus had drilled that lesson into her mind from the moment he had taken part in her training. When Kostia had died he had dug his fist into the open wound to drive the lesson home and when she had accepted Azgeda into her Coalition she had sworn an oath to never forget it and live by it for the rest of her life. Yet being with Clarke had weakened her resolve. No matter how much she had fought against it, she had started to fall for the Skaikru's leader. They had spent hours together planning out the battle and Lexa had found herself focusing more on how the candle light gilded Clarke's hair or the deep reaches of her oceanic eyes, than the battle plans. She had broken her oath and she hated herself for it. She had put another person in danger and opened herself up to weakness. Clarke would die just like Kostia. She knew the kind of person Clarke was, she wouldn’t give up until every last member of Skaikru was free of the mountain. Lexa had doomed her to her own demise. She killed everyone she loved and now another person would pay for her inability to control her emotions. She had Clarke’s blood on her hands.

Lexa heard a shout echoing throughout the camp and her heart skipped a beat. She had sent scouts to watch the Skaikru camp incase any returned. The scouts must have returned, which meant they had news. Lexa pulled herself together as best she could and pulled on her commander mask.

The scout that entered the tent was breathing heavily and seemed quite discombobulated. She gave him a moment to collect himself and then commanded him to speak.

 _“Heda!”_ , he said breathlessly, “The Skaikru have returned to their camp!”

What? They had abandoned Clarke? She had thought that even the Skaikru had some sense of loyalty.

 _“How many?”_ She asked.

 _“All of them! They entered the camp at dawn. All the soldiers and the prisoners from the mountain. They had to carry 4, but the others walked as if unharmed!”_ The tone of disbelief in the scouts voice mirrored Lexa’s own. When she had left them there at the entrance to mount weather she had thought that all of them would perish. She had known that Clarke would not give up, but she had also known that there was no way that she could have succeeded. Now she was being told that she had. Clarke had once again saved not only herself, but her entire people. The thought that Clarke was alive had Lexa’s heart soaring.

_“How?”_

_“I sent Landel and Iden to the mountain to see what happened. The doors were open and when they entered they found the everything covered in bodies. They were melted! Covered in blood and burn blisters!”_ All of them were dead? All of them?

_“Who did this?”_

_“They are saying it was the Skai Heda! She killed all of them!”_ Clarke! The sweet, kind girl who took every death personally and had been the one to insist that the innocents inside the mountain be spared. Lexa could barely imagine how horrible Clarke must feel right now.

 _“Heda?”_ The scout's voice made Lexa realize that she had not said anything for a while, too caught up in thoughts of Clarke.

 _“Keep an eye on the camp, but do not let yourselves be seen. We will need to be careful with the Skaikru. Their leader will not be open to conversing with us at the moment.”_ The scout nodded but did not leave. He stood there as if he did not know what to do, but he clearly had something more to say. For flame’s sake why didn’t he just spit it out. _“What is it?”_

_“The Skai Heda has left her people.”_

_“What do you mean?”_

_“She walked with them to the gate, but did not enter. Instead she turned around and walked into the forest and did not return. The boy who went into the mountain asked for them to meet again before she left.”_

_“Your orders are the same. Tell my people that Clarke kom Skaikru is to be left alone unless she picks up arms against them. You may go.”_

Oh, Becca what had she gotten herself into? And what was going on with Clarke?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is Chapter 1(2?). I'm really proud of this chapter which is a rarity. I hope you guys don't want me dead after, just know that _I_ don't plan on killing off our leading ladies. As always all comments are appreciated. I look forward to any feedback. Enjoy!!
> 
> .....(sort of.)

  
  
  
  
  


She only slept when she fell over from exhaustion and even then her sleep was fitful as she was plagued by nightmares and haunted by the ghosts of her victims.

She ate only when the pain grew so intense that it threaten unconsciousness. Then she ate whatever she could find.

She lost track of time and one week started bleeding into the next.

Clarke had no idea where she was going.

Clarke had no idea what she was doing.

Clarke had no idea how to deal with what had happened in the mountain.

Clarke had no idea how to come to terms with having wiped out an entire nation.

Clarke had no idea about anything.

So instead of thinking she walked. She didn’t pay attention to where she was going and she didn’t actually care. Lexa’s betrayal had hit her hard. Harder that it should have. The fury she felt towards the other girl fueled her for a few days, but then the flame went out. Then she felt hate. Not towards Lexa but towards herself. The disgusted looks she had gotten from the others when they had found out what she had done haunted her. They thought she was a monster and they were right. She had killed hundreds to save 53. She had done it for them, but that did not excuse her actions. The look of horror that had occupied her mother’s face as they had carried her through the compound of irradiated bodies was burned into Clarke’s mind.

She spent her waking hours tortured her with the faces of the Arkers. The horror on their faces when they heard about what she had done. The disgust they let slip through their amature masks when they thought she wasn’t looking. The whispers that suddenly stopped when she walked by. The feel of Finn’s blood on her hands, as she stabbed him through the heart. His last words echoing throughout her mind. _Thanks, Princess._ He shouldn’t have thanked her for killing him, just like the Arkers shouldn’t have thanked her for killing hundreds. Those that saw the carnage themselves stopped afterwards and just looked at her with horror, disgust and pity, but they never should have done it in the first. She didn’t deserve their thanks and she definitely hadn’t deserved Finn’s. She had killed him, no matter what her reasons had been he should not have thanked her for snuffing out the light in his eyes.

When she stumbled one to many times for this episode of awareness, she fell face forward onto the ground. Then the ghosts of her most recent victims took hold of her soul and devoured her mind. They easily pierced through her non-existent defences and started pulling her brain apart. Pain and horror wracked through her body as her mind spun the images of the mountain, the dropship and the faces of her loved ones into an inescapable hell. Instead of faceless grounders and the residents of mount weather she started killing her loved ones. Her father, Wells, her mother, Octavia, Raven, Bellamy, Jasper, Monty, Harper, Charlotte, Kane, Anya, Maya, Lexa…

Then it would revert back to what actually happened and she would watch as every single one of them died. Each time she relived the memories the scene was focused on a different person that had died at her hands. She felt like she was drenched in the blood of her victims, and she was, but there was no blood to be found on her body. She tried to scrub off the horrific feeling. She dragged her nails along her skin as if she could scratch off the guilt if she only shed enough skin……..

She awoke with what would have been a scream if her mouth hadn’t been to dry and her vocal chords hadn’t been swollen from overuse. She got back up, barely noticing the thick scratches oozing red where her nightmare had literally bled into reality. She ignored them, against the better judgement of the doctor in her. She looked around. By serendipity there was a berry bush nearby. She almost decided to ignore them to spite herself, as she didn’t deserve to have life be so easy, but her primal needs overtook her and she wolfed down the berries that she could get her hands on, not caring about the cuts dug into her skin by the bush’s thorns. Right after she was disgusted by herself, thinking about all the people that wouldn’t eat ever again because of her. She got up again, every part of her body screaming in protest. She started walking in the direction she thought was forward (away from the Ark), but really she had stopped caring, she didn’t remember when ago. She walked. She didn’t have anything else to do. Walking kept her body busy, but it left plenty of time and space for her idle mind to weave her guilt,fears and nightmares into the fabric of reality. The villagers of TonDC at the clan meeting walked through the forest with Clarke staring at her with accusation in their faces. _Why did you kill us? Why did we have to die? Why didn’t you stop the Mauon?_ She was to tired and worn out to try to answer them and knew that they wouldn’t go away no matter what she did, so she kept walking.

It grew dark as she went even further down the deep end. She could no longer count how many times she had thought that she had hit rock bottom. She had honestly stopped trying. She tripped over rocks, bushes and roots. She tumbled through trees, hedges and brambles. She didn’t care. She had receded so far into herself that nothing around her mattered, except the images that her mind forced into her consciousness.

She stumbled over yet another tree root. She barely managed to regain her balance before she hit the ground. Clarke was tired. 

She was tired to the point of being asleep on her feet. 

She was tired to the point where she no longer cared about how others felt.

She was tired of always having to make the hard choices.

She was tired of people blaming her for the choices she had made to save their lives.

She was tired of the killing.

She was tired of hurting. 

She was tired of living.

Clarke stumbled again and this time she did not catch herself. She fell forward onto the ground her head hitting a rock on the way down and Clarke did not get up again. She slept.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the next one. tell me what you think about raven's lines. I tried to address something that really bother's me about the Arkers. 
> 
> Enjoy!!!

Chapter 3  
_She woke up in her room in Camp Jaha. She blinked, trying to understand her situation. It was as if the Mountain had just been a bad dream. Clarke wished so badly that that were true, but she knew that she couldn’t run away from her pain. She may have run away from her problems, but she still felt the pain of her decisions. She got up and left her room._

__

__

The people she saw greeted her and then continued going on about their business. No one stared at her as if she was some horrifically interesting foreign creature. She decided to go talk to her mother.

Dr.Griffin was tending to patients in what used to be the Ark’s medical wing. Clarke was elated to see her mother up and about again even if this was just a dream. She was wondering when it would turn into a nightmare, perhaps the bodies from Mount Weather were hiding under the blankets.)

“Hey mom! How are you?”

“Good, but I’m a little worried about the new Commander.”

“The new Commander??”

“Yes. Quint. He took over after the old Commander died.”

“Who killed Lexa?”

“I have no idea, but the news arrived last week that he will send someone with terms of peace. They should actually arrived today. Are you okay honey? I thought you knew about this?”

“Yeah I’m fine mom. I’m just a little out of it.”

“It’s okay sweetie. You’re just a kid, you don’t need to concern yourself with these kinds of things.”

Clarke wasn’t sure how to handle that comment, so she just nodded and left the medical wing to get some breakfast.

After she had left the mess hall, she decided that she would eat outside. The sun momentarily blinded her as she exited the Ark. Looking around, she saw a few of the 100 sitting around a fire. Clarke walked over and joined them.

“So how is the Queen, Princess?”

She had no idea who they were talking. Then it dawned on her, as all her memories came flooding back. This wasn’t a dream. They had succeeded in taking down Mount Weather, but the innocents had sent someone down to kill Lexa and then the grounders had killed them all. All the grief from that night came rolling back, as she felt the loss all over again. A tear rolled down Clarke’s face when she thought of the former Commander and what they had shared before the battle.

“Clarke?”

“Oh, sorry, Harper. My mom is fine. She has been working in the Med Bay.”

“Of course she has. As soon as the war is over the adults go back to their old routines and stop listening to us.”

“Yeah they demoted Bellamy from Captain of the watch last night and this morning they threw Monty out of the engine room. They told him to let the adults handle it.” Miller added.

“How long are they going to deny that we know so much more than them about surviving on the ground?” Clarke asked no one in particular.

“They are stuck to their old ways from the Ark. They don’t want to change and until they are willing to, they won’t accept us.”

“I guess you’re right…” Shouts interrupted Clarke. Guards were running all over the place and the suddenly they opened the gates. Clarke and her friends stood up as the grounder delegation entered Arkadia. Chancellor Griffin and Marcus Kane came out of the wreck-turned-home to greet them.

“Welcome to Camp Jaha, delegates. Please come inside so we may discuss the terms of our peace.”

Clarke winced at Kane’s words. She knew that the grounders would not take them well. They assumed that the Skaikru had authority in the peace agreement with the people whose land they had invaded.

“That will not be necessary.” The warrior at the front of the group of five said authoritatively. “Heda is most generous and has offered you incredibly lenient terms of peace. He only wants one member of Skaikru to be turned over to him to pay for all the crimes committed by all your people. Once they have seen justice at his hands all Skaikru crimes will be forgiven and you will be given land to call your own. Any land up to a two mile walk from any point in your current camp will be yours!” Murmurs spread throughout the crowd. Clarke saw that her mother and Marcus were clearly about to reject the offer so she decided to stall.

“And who does Heda wish to pay for the Skaikru crimes?” She asked the gona. Everyone suddenly turned to look at her. A smile spread across the man’s face.

“You!” Clarke didn’t let her expression betray any emotions. She wasn’t surprised, she had vaporised Quint’s brother after all. Instead of looking at the delegation, she looked at her people. She saw fear in most people’s eyes, but another emotion jumped out at her from their faces. Relief. For they had seen her be willing to die to save their lives and expected her to do it again. They did not believe that they hqd to fear that she would refuse. Clarke was at a loss about how she was supposed to feel. She should feel flattered that they trusted her so much, but she was mostly just angry. Angry that they expected her to die for them. She was just a kid and shouldn’t concern herself with war nor did she have a place on the council even though she had been the one to negotiate the alliance, but she was old enough to die for them! Clarke sighed and resigned herself to her fate.

“What was that sigh about?” The woman behind the leader smirked.

“Oh, nothing. I had just hoped that Heda Quint would be able to separate his personal feelings from his duties, but alas we can’t all be as perfect as Heda Lexa. Now may I tie up a few loose ends before we leave?” 

This seemed to surprise the woman and her expression fell from a smirk into one of respect. The rest of the group’s faces mirrored hers and the gona who had spoken first nodded. Clarke bowed her head in thanks and left the courtyard for her quarters. She quickly packed up her father’s watch, her drawing supplies, her knives and her gun. She changed into a carefully calculated mix of Skaikru and Trikru clothes and left her quarters. She picked up a bedroll, tent and rations from Raven and said her goodbyes to her friend.

“Figures.” Raven said, fear and disapproval rampant in her eyes. “Everyone is always looking down on you for the choices you made to keep us alive, but as soon as it’s convenient they expect you to give up your life to save them **again**.”

“Well, my mother is probably in my room right now trying to stop me. I am just a child after all and shouldn’t be meddling in grown up things.”

“Your mother can float herself for all I care. She keeps calling herself the Chancellor and acts as if she has all the authority and should be making all the decisions, but really she is just in denial. She doesn’t want to realize that she has no right to her position and the only person the grounders recognize as our leader is you. Yet she still manages to push all the hard decisions onto you **and** judge you for them. It’s ridiculous! You are the only person that thinks about long term consequences, the only one that is willing to look at the cold, hard truths of the ground and the one who keeps saving us. You deserve better than this Clarke!”

“Whatever you say, Reyes. I made my decisions and now I will deal with their consequences. Remember to take care of yourself Raven and don’t let anyone push you around. They can’t go after you the way they are doing with the rest of us and if they mess up beyond repair, go and get yourself anyone else sensible out of here. You don’t owe anything to these people. May we meet again.” 

“I will Clarke. The 100 at least are going to honor your work and not waste the second chance you gave us. May we meet again, Clarke kom Skaikru.” Raven surprised the other girl with her use of Trigedasleng and her sudden seriousness. She held the supplies out to Clarke. “Now go be you and save all our asses.” Clarke smiled at the comment and nodded in thanks. She grabbed the pack and turned around to leave.

She fought back tears as she said goodbye to the rest of the 100. She then went to see Kane.

“So you have come to your senses. Thank goodness, Abby was going crazy with worry.”

“I’m still going with the Trikru if that’s what you’re referring to.” Kane’s face fell. “But I’m not the one who needs to come to my senses. My mother and the council are the one’s who aren’t seeing clearly, along with the rest of the adults in this Camp. We aren’t on the Ark anymore and you need to realize that. We landed on Trikru land and must therefore obey Trikru laws. We have no authority in the Coalition and we can’t win a war with the grounders. They have numbers that easily outmatch our guns and any we could get our hands on. They also know the terrain and how to use it. We need to make peace with them. If you guys play it right you stand a chance of being accepted into the coalition. Then you can try to find things to trade for what you need. You need to take this opportunity that I’m giving you.”

“That **you** are giving us?!” Kane said incredulously.

“Yes. The opportunity that I am giving you by handing myself over to Quint. The one I gave you when I made an alliance with Heda Lexa. The one I gave you by making sure the 100 didn’t completely destroy themselves. I am the one that has kept these people alive and from self-destructing. I won’t be around to do that anymore. So you will have to swallow your oversized egos, be smart and take care of your problems yourselves.” Kane just stood there dumbfounded. “Make sure this message gets to my mother and promise me that you will talk her or anybody else down if they get to wild.” Kane took a bit to respond, but in the end he nodded. Clarke decided that she would have to be satisfied with that and left the room. 

She walked outside and towards the delegation. They had a horse standing in between the four behind the leader. They instructed Clarke to fasten her belongings to the saddle and then mount. When she had, they dismounted and tied ropes to her wrists and ankles. They then proceeded to tie the ropes to their own saddles, one each. There was no way Clarke would be able to run, but she would be able to ride comfortably and quickly. They would be in Polis in five days. Clarke had mixed feelings about seeing the city. On the one hand she was excited about seeing the center of grounder culture and Lexa’s home. On the other hand it felt wrong to be going there without Lexa, the one who had originally invited her to the metropolis. Then there was the fact she was going there as a prisoner, instead of being Lexa’s guest. She decided to ignore her feelings as she probably wouldn’t be seeing much of the city anyways.

They left shortly and started making their way through the forest. The expressions on her captors faces were constantly changing and Clarke was sure they were having a silent conversation. She was also quite sure that it was about her and not exactly positive. After about three hours one of them spoke, smugly.

“So what do you think will happen when we get to the city?I bet you think that you are going to receive a hero’s welcome.”

“Well you would lose that bet.” She replied, her voice dripping with annoyance. Her statement seemed to shock her captors.

“Then what do you think is going to happen?” The gona on her left seemed to be actually curious. Clarke didn’t turn towards the woman, but she did answer her. 

“Jus drain jus daun. Quint is going to punish me for the lives my people have taken. Heda Lexa pardoned us for them, as she understood that we felt we were just defending ourselves. So she accepted Finn’s death as payment for his crimes and wanted to move forward with the alliance. But Quint isn’t Lexa. He doesn’t seem to be able to let go of his personal feelings in favour of what is best for both our people. He is still furious with me because his brother was one of the warriors I burned when they attacked the dropship. He wants to punish me for what I did to **him** and now he has the power to do so.”

“You expected to die a horrible death and you still came with us?!” The gona to her right seemed incredibly shocked. 

“Of course.” Clarke was shocked that they were shocked. “Quint would have killed my people if I hadn’t come with you and they need to see that I wholeheartedly believe in the grounder ways for them to ever be able to accept them themselves. They will have to change their ways if they want to survive on the ground. They just haven’t seen that yet. I had Kane promise to try his best to talk some sense into them. I suggest you tread carefully around them for now. They will be very volatile and easily riled up.”

“You would give up your life for a people that show you no respect and might get themselves killed anyway?”

“It is my duty. I did not ask for it, but no one else was willing to be a proper leader so I stepped up and did what was necessary. Now I am perceived as the Skaikru’s leader my the majority of the people on this planet so it falls to me to make sacrifices for them. Victory is built on the back of sacrifice, but so is peace.”

“They don’t seem to honor the fact that you do so much for them. They don’t seem to understand how much you do for them?”

“I bear it so they don’t have to.”

Her escort was quiet for a while after that. They seemed to be mulling her words over. Their postures slackened as if they had lost their sense of superiority. They resumed their silent conversation.

Then the leader spoke up. “You haven’t been addressing Quint as Heda?” It was framed as a question.

“I called him Heda in front my people so the hotheads don’t try to challenge him, but he is not a Natblida so he can’t actually hold the position. I assume he is just holding it until the Conclave finishes, but he is disgracing his former leaders. He is essentially spitting on what Heda Lexa built. She was a great leader and he doesn’t deserve to hold her title.”

Respect reflected in their eyes at her words. They fell into a much more comfortable silence. Two hours past nightfall they set up camp. They dismounted and set up camp, then they came back and loosed the ropes from their saddles to allow Clarke to dismount. She removed her things from the saddle and went with them to the fire. She set up her tent and bedroll near the fire. They removed three of the ropes and seemed to dislike having to attach the last ankle rope to the post of Clarke’s tent.

“Sorry but we have our orders.” the man said. Clarke smiled sadly.

“It’s alright. I know.” The man seemed relieved at her understanding. They busied themselves preparing a meal. When they finished they handed her a bowl of stew. “Mochof.” She surprised them yet again with her use of trigedasleng. They nodded in acknowledgement. They ate in silence. Clarke noticed that one gona wasn’t moving his shoulder properly, she would need to see to that. when they finished she spoke.

“You're going to need to remove your shirt if I’m going to take a look at that shoulder.” Her captors looked flabbergasted. Then the hurt gona laughed. He took off his shirt and moved to sit in front of Clarke. She sent another for her tools and a third prepared hot water. It took half an hour to get him all patched up. She had to remove a lot of impurities from the wound and he needed stitches. She bandaged his shoulder and put it in a sling. 

“Well,” the leader said, “if you’re going to be actively helping us I guess you should know our names. I’m Wills, over there are Rida and Georg. Then we have Ananda and the man whose arm you just saved is Iden.” 

_“Thank you. I’m Clarke Griffin, but you already knew that.” They all chuckled and went to bed._


	4. Chapter 4

_They woke at dawn and packed up their camp. They attached everything to their saddles. They resumed their ride once Ananda, Georg, Iden and Rida had attached Clarke’s ropes to their saddles._

They rode for hours.

 

About two after midday Wills called a halt. Everyone became absolutely silent. There was a crack of wood and then suddenly seven masked figures dropped out of the trees. The gonas dropped Clarke’s bonds and went to deal with their attackers. 

Wills and Ananda took three together. Iden, Georg and Rida were each fighting their own attacker. They were all caught up in their own fights and Clarke turned around on her horse and pulled her weapons from her pack. She didn’t even consider the option of escaping, she just wanted to help the people she now considered friends. She dismounted and was immediately charged by the seventh. He was so smug and confident in his own abilities that he didn’t see the dagger in Clarke’s hand. She stabbed him in the gut and twisted the blade upward. He fell to the ground with a look of shock on his face. Clarke loaded her handgun and shot the attacker that was pinning Iden to the ground. He fell forward onto him, but Clarke didn’t care she fired to shots into the trees where she had seen movement. consequently two bodies dropped to the earth. Wills and Ananda had finished with their opponents and turned around just as Rida stuck a sword through her’s and Clarke shot the one that was attacking Georg.

They stared at her. Then they stared at the gun in her hand.

“Don’t worry I’m not going to do anything.” She said bending to place the gun on the ground after switching the safety on. The warriors looked relieved and walked over to her.

Rida spoke first. “How did you manage that?” She said gesturing to the fallen man in front of Clarke.

“He was overconfident in his abilities. He didn’t expect me to defend myself. He almost walked onto my knife.” Iden voiced his thoughts next. 

“Thanks for saving my life over there. My shoulder was really giving me trouble.” 

Clarke nodded and added that she would have to take a look at said shoulder later. They all smiled, when Clarke saw another gona run towards them. She twisted, pushed Rida out of the way and threw a dagger into the man’s throat.

Every live person in the clearing was shocked, even Clarke as she hadn’t been sure that she would hit him. She was proud however, to have done her teacher proud. The warriors looked from the corpse, to Clarke and then back to the corpse. This time Iden spoke first.

“Well it looks like I have to thank you for my life a second time. Who taught you to throw like that?” Clarke wasn’t sure how to answer that, but she decided to tell the truth as Wills left to retrieve her dagger.

“Lexa taught me.” That seemed to shock her captors more than anything else she had done. “What?”

“Nothing,” Georg said, “it’s just that we came to Camp Jaha to get an ignorant, self-righteous, selfish and rebellious captive. Then that captive turns out to be fully aware of what awaits her and is still fully cooperative. She turns out to have indepth knowledge of our culture and is incredibly friendly to us. Then she volunteers to care for our friend’s wound and later saves our lives instead of trying to escape even when a perfect opportunity presented itself. She risks her life to save ours and now it turns out that our last Heda personally trained her in how to throw a dagger!”

“It is a lot to take in.” Ananda added. Any further conversation was interrupted when Wills angrily stomped back to the group. He whirled on Clarke and held the dagger in her face.

“How did you get this!!!!!” He yelled. All the others sharply took in a breath when they saw the dagger and its familiar grip.

“Lexa gave it to me before the battle.” Clarke said, clueless as to why he was so angry. The others gasped. “What?” Clarke asked again, feeling like a broken record.

“This was one of Heda Lexa’s personal daggers. She never let anyone else even touch them.” This time Clarke was shocked. She just stood there slack jawed.

“What does that mean?”

“We don’t know, but you should. You might be the Skai Heda, but that doesn’t make you any different from the rest of us. These daggers were her own personal set, she inherited them from her mother. She used them in her Conclave. They became famous from her using them against rebellious clan leaders and in single combat. There has to be something different about you. So, what makes you so special?”

When Wills finished everyone stared at Clarke. She stared back, not sure about how to proceed. She knew what was different about her. She knew what was different was they way Lexa had cared about her. She was thinking about the kiss. How Lexa’s lips had felt against hers, how the Commander’s hands had twisted in her hair, how she had her own unique scent that had enveloped Clarke. She remembered how Lexa had filled her senses and made everything else fade away. How after the battle her eyes had promised so much more when she left for her war council. She remembered how she had held Lexa in her arms as her life faded away.

“Clarke. Clarke!” Iden’s yelling brought her out of her reverie. She noticed that she had tears streaming down her face. She didn’t bother wiping them away when she looked up at her companion’s faces. They seemed to be at a loss of what to do, not used to someone displaying so much emotion. Clarke made a split second decision.

“We cared about each other as people, not just as allies. We kissed before the battle and most likely would have gone further after if she hadn’t been killed.” Clarke swallowed and looked back into their faces to see disbelief, shock and pity. She turned away from them and sat on the ground. She started sobbing again like she had done over the Commander’s body.

It took a few moments for her to realise that someone was squatting next to her. She looked up and saw Wills holding out Lexa’s dagger. He had cleaned it off. She thanked him and gripped the handle. He offered her a hand and she took it letting him pull her up. She turned around. 

Her jaw dropped when she noticed that her horse was laden with supplies and weapons. “What is going on?” She asked.

“You have been nothing but helpful to us and you saved us even though we were leading you to your death. You are a thousand times better as a leader and a person than Quint. He will kill you and then will most likely spit on your legacy and disregard his promises to your people. He is already tainting Heda Lexa’s and you were clearly very special to her. We will have no part in your death. You are free to go.” Clarke was so touched that she almost started crying again. She wanted to show her appreciation for what they were doing, but she knew that she couldn’t accept their offer of freedom as much as she wanted to. 

“I’ m sorry for all the work you put in, but I can’t accept.” At the confused and disappointed looks on their faces, she quickly elaborated. “Quint would kill you for failing him and attack the Skaikru as retaliation. When it comes to me it isn’t as easy as dealing with one life. Ever since my feet hit the ground for the first time, people have been depending on me, whether they liked it or not. So I cannot accept you offer because saving my life would endanger thousands of others.”

_This time their respect wasn’t hidden, instead it was written blatantly across their faces. They didn’t move, but Clarke felt something in her chest and everything went black._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter. When I wrote this I wanted to show off Clarke's  
> mind set and values, as well as her position on the grounders. Please let me know if I succeeded!  
> And as always:
> 
> THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH FOR READING!!!!!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here is the next one- Let me know if you like it, if you don't like it and what I can improve upon in your opinion. Thank You!!

_When Clarke woke up she found that something was wrong. Everything around her was white. She felt a hard surface beneath her body, but she could not discern it from the clearly breathable air around her._

A wave of emotions crashed over Clarke as she remembered her dream. It had felt so real. For a while she had been free of the guilt of the Mountain. For a while she had been able to believe that Lexa had not betrayed her. Having to process that pain again brought tears to Clarke’s eyes. She quickly choked the back and got up to look at her surroundings. 

“Welcome Clarke kom Skaikru.” Surprised Clarke turned towards the source of the voice. It was a woman. She was tall, had sun tanned skin, dark hair and almost inhumanly high cheek bones. Clarke’s focus wasn’t on those features though. It was on the golden brown wings sprouting out of her back. “I believe that in your culture it is rather rude to stare at someone?” clarke shook her head.

“Uh..Sorry. It’s just.. not everyday that you meet someone with wings.”

“I understand Clarke. Now I need to speak with you.” her serious tone pulled Clarke’s focus away from the feathers and to her face. She had the most peculiars eyes. They boasted golden irises and catlike pupils.

“Ok..k..kay.” Clarke stammered.

“Walk with me please. We need to ensure your physical form’s safety.”

“What?”

“You are just laying around on the forest floor. That is not a smart move for someone with a bounty on their head.”

“What are you talking about? Since when do I have a bounty on my head?”

“Please just follow me. I want to be able to explain everything to you in one go.”

Clarke nodded and followed the woman who walked purposefully through the white abyss, often turning as if to evade invisible obstacles. Clarke followed suit. After what seemed like hours the woman turned around to face Clarke again and sat down on the surface which was holding their feet up. At her motioning she sat down in front of the strange woman.

“Now what did you want to talk with me about? and who are you?”

“Smart questions and ones that I will answer. Though these answers may make more sense later. I am Wanheda.”

“What does that mean?”

“That is rather complicated. I am a spirit, one that has wandered this earth for almost a century. I was born out of the death and suffering brought about by the bombs.”

“So what do you want with me? I’m a monster.” Clarke had retreated back into her self-guilting shell.

“You are suffering from the death and pain you have had to inflict.”

“So? I should be.”

“You are an incredible person Clarke. You were thrust into a harsh and unforgiving world and you managed to survive. Not only that, but you managed to keep an entire people alive. You thought about consequences that few even considered. You have had to kill, torture and suffer yet you never let go of your beliefs. You feel the pain of each kill and you don’t take pleasure in violence, but you don’t let that hold you back.”

“You are giving me way too much credit.”

“No I’m not, Clarke. You are hurting and I want to help you.”

“How can **you** help me? Can you wash the blood of almost a thousand people off my hands? Can you take away the pain of all the people who have had to suffer at my hands? Can you stop my mother and the rest of the Arkers?” Clarke’s voice shook, but it had steadily increased its volume as she spoke. “Sorry I shouldn’t have yelled.” Wanheda smiled.

“It’s fine. Like I said, you are hurting. Now as I said I want to help you. Every spirit needs a purpose, but I wasn’t “born” with one, so I made myself one. I made it my purpose to heal souls that have been through too much and still manage to hold onto their core. You have an incredibly beautiful soul Clarke and you are in great pain because of what you have had to do for your people and unlike most people you don’t hide behind that sentiment like it is an excuse. You still feel guilt for the lives have taken. What I do is I let my power bleed into the wounded soul and give them knowledge they need to continue living a proper life. You are great Clarke and given the right environment you could be even greater.”

“So what happens now?”

“Well, you decide if you want my help and then I help you. I would train you in how to fight and teach you skills that would make your life easier. During that time I would help you come to terms with what you have had and will have to do.”

“Can I ask you a question first?” Clarke was nervous. She was in strange place, with a strange spirit and this offer sounded way too good to be true or catchless. Life wasn’t that easy.

“Of course ask as many as you want.”

“Well then, how long will this take and what is this place exactly?”

“This place is what would equate to the visitors lounge of the spirit world. You can exist here and talk with me without getting sucked into the spirit plane completely. As to how long this will take. Time passes differently here and your form works differently to. It will probably take about three weeks out there in the physical world, but in here it will be much longer. I am teaching you things that would be acquired over years after all.” She chuckled.

“You said my body will work differently here?”

“Yes, I apologize for glossing over that bit. You will neither want for sleep nor sustenance while you are here, though the muscles you gain on this plane will transfer over to the physical world. So what is your answer?” Clarke was filled with a disconcerting uncertainty as she pondered the decision before her. What Wanheda was offering her was an incredible opportunity, but did she deserve this? Wanheda seemed to think she did, but why? 

“Why do you think I'm worthy of what you are offering?”

“Because you care for everyone else’s well being before your own. Even after all the hate and disregard you have been given by your people you would still give your life for them and you even die for and defend people that were sent to lead you to your doom.” A realization smacked into Clarke’s face.

“You are the one who gave me that dream!”

“Yes. That was one last test. I needed to know whether you were still willing to offer people as much now that you have been alone for so long.”

“How long have I been in the forest?”

“A month.”

“Wow.”, was the only response that escaped Clarke. She had had no idea that it had been that long. The time had just been an uninterrupted, never ending cycle of misery…

She made a decision.

“Thank you so much for your offer. I accept.”

_“Then let us begin.” Wanheda said with a genuine smile._


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go chapter 6! I hope you all like it. Let me know in the comments!

_Wanheda hadn’t been kidding about the fighting lessons. She worked Clarke until she was ready to drop and then further. She knew that in the physical world she would have left her body behind long ago. After a certain amount of time, the length of which Clarke was unaware of, she was no longer so breathless and exhausted while they were training. This is when they started talking while fighting. First Wanheda was teaching her Trigedasleng as she would need to be able to understand the grounders. (She really needed to come up with a better name for theses people. After all, they were all grounders now.) Then the training conversations turned into therapy sessions. She didn’t remember when they started, but they delved deep into Clarke’s issues and even her baggage from the Ark. They worked through every situation she had been in with Wanheda’s critical approach. She didn’t glorify Clarke’s actions or say that she had made the right decision every time, but she assured Clarke that she had made the best possible decision she could have made with her information at the time. Clarke slowly came to terms with everything that had happened, even Lexa’s betrayal. she still felt the pain, but it no longer held her in a paralyzing grasp. She gained the capacity to tuck it away at the back of her mind and the pain reduced itself to a dull ache. They finished at some point and moved on to grounder politics and then customs and the survival skills…_

“Pop quiz! A person with black blood is called a..?”

“Natblida!” Clarke grunted out as Wanheda’s staff pounded against her own.

“Good. What happens with a child that is identified as a Nightblood?”

“They are sent to Polis to train under the current Commander. “ Clarke stepped to the side and hit the far end of the staff against the older woman’s back. Wanheda twisted away from her and renewed her attacks.

“Explain the Conclave!”

“When the Commander dies all the Natblida go through a purifying ritual and honor the fallen Commander. Then in the morning they fight to the death. The last one alive becomes the new Commander. This simultaneously shows that the Commander is strong and to be respected, while also removing any possible challengers to their position when it is new and uncemented.” She saw an opening and with two quick hits and a sweep of her leg Wanheda was on the ground and Clarke had her staff at the woman’s throat. Wanheda smiled a proud smile and nodded. Clarke offered her a hand and pulled her up. They switched to double swords.

“The council has the power to?”

“Weigh in on the Commander’s decisions, make treaties with each other and make decisions on behalf of the clans.They can also dethrone the Commander if there is a unanimous vote of no confidence. The council is made up of ambassadors from all twelve clans.” Clarke’s answer was immediate, as always.

“You are learning well.” Clarke chose not to respond, instead she focused on the flurry of attacks the elder woman was regaling her with. They traded blows for a while. “Stop showing your emotions! You are shouting your attacks at me before you make them!” Clarke heeded the familiar piece of advice and pulled all of her emotions deep inside her, pushing an impassive mask onto her face. She renewed her attacks swords twirling through the air.

Dual swords were one of her favorite weapons. They were powerful, had a good reach and yet remained extremely intricate, requiring all of her ever increasing agility. She kept on fighting for a few more minutes before she managed to disarm Wanheda and the other woman submitted. Something was off. She had beaten Wanheda a few times before, but never this quickly or this often. An uncertain expression resided on the spirit’s breathtaking face.

“What is it? I don’t usually beat you this easily.”

“Well, that’s the thing. None of my students have ever been able to defeat me. None of them have ever mastered what I have to teach them so quickly either.”

“What does that mean?” Wanheda seemed slightly confused, which in turn confused Clarke. Wasn’t _she_ supposed to be the one who had everything figured out?

“Well,” Wanheda sat down and Clarke followed suit.”There are a few anomalies when it comes to you. Your soul is biggest example of a regretful murderer that I have ever come across. You have one of the highest kill counts that I have ever encountered with a person who still cares about the lives they take. And you do care! You care so much about every life you take and even more for the lives under your care. You have never sought power for yourself. You do not want it, yet you take it upon yourself to protect those that you call your own. You are the most caring, and the most hurt, person I have ever come to know.” Tears shined in her student’s eyes.

“Thank you, but what does this have to do with you being distracted?”

“You are unique yet you fit into what we could call my parameters. It makes me nervous.”

“Why?”

“Because of what it could mean for me. There are many spirits like me- Ones help a specific type of person and allow them to use a bit of their power. Each of us is restless in the spirit realm, only finding short moments to relief when we are helping one of our souls. Yet there is one thing that gives us hope and that is what’s making me nervous.” Clarke was getting slightly impatient, not used to Wanheda beating around the bush.

“And what is this thing that gives you hope?”

“Supposedly each spirit has a bondmate. This person will fall into their parameters, but fulfill these beyond measure. They will feel closer to this person than any of their other pupils, almost unable to tell where their form ends and the mind of the other begins. The tale is that the spirit will bond themselves to their physical bondmate and that when the bondmate dies the spirit will be able to move on and find peace.” Despair was prominent on Wanheda's Face

“So?”

“That is what I feel for you my student. I’m scared that you are my bondmate.”

“Would that be so bad?” At these words hope bloomed on the spirit’s visage.

“Many things could come as a side-effect of our bonding and if you aren’t my true bondmate you would be sucked into the spirit realm and forced to wander restlessly for the rest of eternity.”

“What do you mean side-effects?” Clarke inquired, deciding to ignore the part about her eternal doom.

“Well they are different for each spirit, but you would undergo a transformation of some sort. a possibility would be that you grow extra arms or permanently become an animal or..”

“be able to shoot lasers out of my eyes?” Clarke interrupted her.

“This is not a laughing matter Clarke!”

“I apologize Wanheda. I am taking this seriously.”

“Good, because this could mean the end of you Clarke! If you decide to go ahead with it that is.”

“Why shouldn’t I?”

“Because it could mean that you would be doomed to a fate worse than death!” The spirit seemed almost hysterical.

“Why should that matter to me? You saved me, so why shouldn’t I try to do the same for you?”

“Wha……” Speechless. She had made a totally bad ass, immortal spirit speechless with two sentences. Oh, Octavia would love this. She sobered up when thinking about the sister surviving had cost her. “You really mean that? You would try the bond for me?!”

“I’m only alive because of you and I have come to cherish you during the perceived eternity we have spent together.” Wanheda surged forward and hugged Clarke. They both forgot themselves for a minute.

“Well if you are going to do this we might as well get ourselves prepared for it the best we can.”

“How do we do that?”

_“We make sure you are in peak condition both mentally and physically. We ensure that you have mastered everything I have to teach you. Then I will tell you about the place that you will come to should we survive this recklessness.” Both women were giddy. Then suddenly the older one returned to mentor mode and continued their drills……_


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time to see what the fates have in store for our dear little Clarke.....

_“So where will I wake up? You said something about protecting my physical form before things got super crazy.” Wanheda chuckled at her differentiating between crazy and super crazy._

“Every spirit has a place in the physical world that acts as their anchor. Mine is a cave deep inside the forest. It is filled with weapons and the belongings of my previous students. That is where you will wake up.”

“If I don’t get stranded in the spirit world that is.” Clarke joked

“You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to” The ancient spirit seemed nervous, which didn’t exactly comfort Clarke, but she hadn’t wanted to make her even more uncertain.

“I do want to. I want to be able to bring someone in this world peace.”, she reassured Wanheda, who nodded, tears in her eyes.

“Then let us begin. Lay down Clarke.” Her student obeyed. “Envision your physical form imagine your soul as a separate entity floating above it. Now imagine sinking into your body. Let yourself go…”

It started as a dull pain within her chest, but it soon spread across her entire body. Then it eclipsed everything else as it flared. Her scream would have shattered ear drums, if anyone with mortal ones had been around to hear it. She had thought she was prepared for the pain, but there was no way she could have anticipated the utter agony she now felt. Soon she started searching for some way to relieve herself of the crippling pain. She found herself willing to consider any option as viable. It scared her. A more acute pain shot through Clarke’s temples. She couldn’t see anything anymore and didn’t care to. Somehow she thought. Maybe she had been in the spirit world too long. Maybe she would get stuck and be pulled back into the actual spirit realm. She didn’t want that, she wanted to live! The thought surprised Clarke. It hadn’t been apparent during training, but apparently spirit therapy had restored her will to live….

 _Clarke screamed in pain. It felt as if invisible hands were grasping her soul, trying to rip it apart. She felt a burning in her soul as it twisted to accommodate the ancient spirit._  
\-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --  
Clarke screamed in pain. It felt as if invisible hands were grasping her body, trying to rip it apart. She felt a burning in her body as it twisted to accommodate the ancient spirit.

She panted and screamed for hours, until her throat was so sore and her vocal chords so swollen that she could barely make a sound. Time passed in slow motion and light speed simultaneously. Every movement sent waves of throbbing pain through her chest and back. The world spun. Both the spirit realm and the physical world danced around Clarke's consciousness adding nausea to her ever increasing list of ailments. It kept going and going……

……..and then it stopped. she sat up, saw a dark grey, probably stone, wall and felt a weight pull her back down. Combined the dizziness, pain and her exhaustion overpowered her and she fell asleep.

******************************************

She shot up into a sitting position….and immediately fell backwards again. There was an unfamiliar weight on her back. CRACK! Clarke winced in pain as the sound abused her ear drums. What could possibly be so loud?She slowly sat up again, using her hands to support herself. She stared at the rock wall in front of her. She was able to see every single crack and every single little crevice in the dark grey stone. What????? How?????

Suddenly she remembered about the transformation. So…..Clarke thought, I guess it worked. _Let’s see how much of a freak I’ve become._ She focused on her hands and noticed that she felt even the slightest change in texture in the rock, all its little pores and every lose particle. _Alright, I’m guessing heightened senses. That would make sense_ (no pun intended), _Wanheda is, was?, a warrior after all, she would need these skills._ She didn’t mind this change, in fact she thought it would be quite useful, if she managed to gain control over them. Otherwise she would go into complete sensory overload every time she moved.

She decided to find out if any of the weird mutations Wanheda had mentioned had affected her. She slowly moved to get up. She looked at her boots. They were extremely grimy and most people would have thrown them away miles ago, but her feet seemed normal. Nonetheless she stood on one leg and pulled off one, never letting go of the rock ledge she had been “sleeping” on. She was relieved to see that her foot seemed perfectly normal, she checked the other foot and was happy to find the same result. _Great! So I haven’t turned into an animal. Let’s see if I have a tail or one of those extra arms Wanheda mentioned._

Clarke was still extremely nervous about this whole thing, but she tried to joke it out with herself. It was done and as there was nothing she could do to change what had happened there was no reason to get worked up.

She started feeling up her legs, past her knees and her hip bones. To her great delight she noticed the lack of a tail when she got to the base of her spinal cord. FLAP!!!!! Clarke winced again at the deafening sound. She turned around to see where it was coming from and promptly fell on her ass. She really needed to figure out why she was so off balance.

She looked up towards where the noise had come from, but there was nothing in sight. With her new vision she could see into every nook and cranny, but there was nothing to be found. She looked further upwards, suddenly curious as to where the light came from in this cave. 

There was a small shaft in the ceiling about as wide as her fist. Light came through it but it wasn’t a natural light. It was blueish in hue. Clarke squinted instinctively to get a closer look and the effect was much better than usual. It was almost as if she had zoomed in with binoculars or a sniper rifle. The insides of the shaft were covered in bioluminescent plants. Clarke smiled in wonder.

Then she got back to the business of finding out what had happened to the balance she had so painstakingly acquired during her training with Wanheda. She got up quickly and fell down again, but this time she had been paying to where the pull towards the ground had come from.

The middle of her back.

She reached towards her back and felt something strange protruding from it. It was hard yet was covered in something soft. _Are those feathers? No they can’t be! Can they?_

She turned her head for her first glance of her back. She screamed. It came out as more of a hoarse croak because her throat hadn’t yet fully recovered from the earlier bout of screaming. She started hyperventilating. _Oh God, what the FUCK happened!?!! Why? Why? WHY? Why this? What IS this? Okay calm yourself Clarke! You need to calm yourself! Deep breath in. Slow breath out. Deep breath in. Slow breath out. Deep breath in. Slow breath out. Deep breath in. Slow breath out……_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo..........
> 
>  
> 
> (insert evil laugh)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go guys, chapter 9!

Deep breath in. Slow breath out. Deep breath in. Slow breath out. Be calm Clarke, be calm. Okay you’re calm. So focus on what matters and stay calm.

WHY THE FUCK DO I HAVE WINGS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

She focused on her breathing, trying to stop herself from hyperventilating. The last thing she needed right now was to have a panic attack. She waited until she had calmed before taking any other action.

 _Well_ , she thought, _Wanheda certainly wasn’t kidding about the physical changes._ She laughed softly and reached a hand back to make sure they were still there.

They were.

 _Sooo_ , she asked herself, _what do I do now? I could panic, I could hole myself up in here so I don’t have to deal with any of my problems or I can get off my ass and learn how to deal with this shit._

She decided to get off her ass and deal with this shit.

She used the wall for support as she got back onto her feet. Then, carefully keeping the new additions to her body in mind, let go and took a step back towards the slab of rock on which she had awakened an ambiguous amount of time ago. She wobbled with flailing arms and almost fell onto the slab. Almost. She had managed not to fall on her butt this time.

She repeated this process going from the wall, to the slab and back again about two dozen times until she was able to manage a halfway secure form of walking. 

When she had accomplished this she slowly started to look around the cave. Wanheda had mentioned that this cave was where see was anchored to the physical world and that all her students had resided here, so Clarke was certain that there had to be more to this place than had met her eye. 

And there was. As she inspected he wall that she had been using as a crutch and found flat-bottomed indentations that had clearly seen use as shelves. She then moved behind the rock slab and through a set to stalagmites. Finding an opening in the rock, she went down the tunnel.

A few seconds and a right turn later, it opened into a room that was once again little by the green bioluminescent plants and filled to the brim with weapons. It's walls were covered in spears, swords, staffs, polearms and whips. Chests filled with knives, daggers and throwing stars littered the floor. Scattered around the cavern were weapon stands covered in an assortment of bladed oddities that three weeks ago, she wouldn't have known what to do with. Clarke even saw an impressive collection of bows leaning against one wall with their quivers having above them on metal stakes impaled into the rock.

Her face lit up with glee.

During her time with Wanheda she had learned to use every single one of these weapons and developed an appreciation them. She looked forward to building her own personal arsenal. She was way too excited by all the glinting blades for Skaikru standards, but Clarke didn't care.

She reached out her hand to grab one of the blades having on the wall next her and saw that her arm was bare. She suddenly realized that her top and jacket were in shreds. They had been reduced to stripes of fabric loosely hanging off her, while being held together by a few weak threads here and there. Her clothes hadn't been in a good condition to start with but it looked like her new _wings_ (Clarke shivered at the thought.) had literally torn through the material.

 _Well, where there are weapons there you can find armour_ , she thought to herself and started cautiously picking her way through the room searching for any sign of clothes.

CLANG!!!

"Ow" Clarke yelled , tumbling to the ground. One of her wings had bumped against a weapon stand, knocking her off balance. 

Clarke let out what _would_ have been a scream if her vocal chords hadn't just gone through hell.

Her hand had landed in a crate of throwing stars. She sat up and took her hand out of the box. She pulled the metal out of her flesh... and stared. There was something golden glinting on the star. She took a closer look and found that it was covered in a golden substance. A crazy thought jumped into her mind and she checked her hand it to had the glittering gold substance smeared onto it. Acting on her insane suspicion she turned the throwing stars to a clean side and cut into a clean portion of her hand. She clenched her teeth, but let out a gasp as golden blood welled up and exited the wound.

After a few seconds she regained control of her limbs and she wiped the blood away from her hand. What she saw shocked her so much that she lost her balance _again_. 

The cut was gone. There was no scar, the only thing she could see were the thin blue veins underneath her healthy, intact skin. She pulled a remnant of her top off her body and used it to wash away the blood from the injury caused by the throwing star. Again she was met with unmarred skin.

Deciding to deal with this insanity later, she stood up and returned to her search for proper clothes. She had made it about a quarter of the way down the left wall when she noticed another tunnel leading off from the weapons room.

With increased caution of her surroundings Clarke made her way to the shadow filled passage. Ten steps, left turn, five steps. That's how long it took her to get to the next room. (Yes, she counted.) 

This room, if you decided to call it that, to was filled to the brim. It was neither as tall nor as wide as it's companion, but its’ contents showed a lot more diversity. There were pots and pans, plates and bowls, forks and spoons, brooms and _mops?_ , metal pails and wooden buckets, fabric sacks and wooden boxes of all sizes, as well as an abundance of leather bags and woven baskets, but what caught Clarke’s eye was the huge pile of furs near the back of the room.

She smiled, while she hadn’t been bothered by the cold, she was happy to know that she wouldn't be sleeping on the very uncomfortable stone. Ignoring the rest of the items scattered about the floor and shelves, she headed over to the pile of comfort. She needed to check on the state of these furs, as they could have started to rot.

Clarke pulled off the first two bear furs without issue. She was glad to see that they were well intact and so the next couple furs under them. The further down she got the flatter and floppier the animal skins got. The last few were absolutely useless, but she was relieved to see that none had rotted and not to have found any animal nests.

She started feeling uncomfortable with her topless state and investigated the possibility of clothes having been deposited here by one of Wanheda’s students. She didn’t, but that wasn’t huge surprise. Grounders were far to organized for such things.

Clarke turned around and made her way back to the weapons room. She worked her way along the wall, using it for support. Opposite the original entrance she found a third tunnel. Determinedly, she entered the passageway.

This one was dark as the air shafts were void of the bioluminescent plants so common in the rest of the caves. It was shorter than the others, but during that short time she found out another thing about her newly altered self. She could see into the dark. Not full on night vision, but the shapes were so much sharper than before. Perhaps, it simply had something to do with her increased senses….

Clarke got to the end of the tunnel and was relieved to see that she had finally found what she had been looking for. This room was overflowing with all kinds of garments, but in true Grounder fashion it still managed to look organized. 

She danced around the room with glee. She quickly found out that she would have to dedicate a decent amount of time to modifying these clothes so she could wear them properly with the new additions to her back.

For now she pulled on a chest binding and a long flowing top with a three part back, this would allow the space in between her wings to be covered as well. Then she left the room and went back to what she had dubbed the supply closet.

She quickly grabbed three bear furs, two panther furs and a couple of rabbit skins. Then she cautiously wound her way through the weapons before going back to the room she had woken up in.

She made herself a bed on the stone platform that had carried her body for the past three weeks. They she tried go to sleep. Tried being the operative word. Her wings made finding a comfortable impossible. How had she survived three whole weeks like this???

She desperately wished that her wings would just go away so she could sleep. Suddenly Clarke lost her balance again as weight from her back shifted to her middle. She felt her back and found that her new extremities had disappeared.

To mentally exhausted to question what had happened, she fell back into the furs and barely managed to pull them up over her body before she was sound asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you sooo much for reading, how can we be on chapter 9 already?? As always any comments or feed back are appreciated. Have a great day.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, sorry for the late update. The power in my apartment went out, which meant I didn't have internet access.

Clarke awoke from the best sleep she had had in a year. No nightmares and no need to feel like someone was going to sneak up and kill her in her sleep. For the first time since she had landed on the ground she felt well rested. She sat up and once again felt off balance, but this time the extra weight was near her chest. 

It took Clarke a moment to remember what had happened and how she had gotten here. When it all came rushing back it left her in a daze. Then she decided to get up and see if she remembered everything correctly. She was pretty sure she didn’t, after all she did not have wings. She jokingly mourned not being able to fly. Then she focused on her back and imagined the wings that had supposedly been there last night.

After a few seconds she knew that it had been a mistake to leave her “bed”. The unfamiliar weight shifted from her chest to her back and pulled her back towards the floor. She decided that she had had enough of this shit. She had worked painstakingly to attain the catlike balance she had achieved with Wanheda, she was not going to let something as as weird as wings ruin all her work.

She sat up but stayed on the floor. She had developed a theory to how this whole crazy thing worked.

She focused on her wings, the thought still weirded her out by the way, and then she imagined them being pulled back into her body. After almost thirty seconds she felt a shift of weight on her back, she focused harder and a few seconds her wings had disappeared and her chest felt heavy again. She knew that before anything else could be done she would have to get better control over this..this..this.

She spent hours in deep focus, expanding and retracting her wings. After about four hours she felt like she had the control down. So she retracted her wings and heaved herself up with the help of the rock she was using as a bed. She practiced walking around with the weight in her chest.

After about thirty minutes she could walk casually and make quick turns without stumbling. Having achieved that she sat back down again and resumed practicing controlling her wings. It took her only two hours this time to get back to the few second speed she had achieved previously. Then she spent another half hour practicing walking around with her retracted wings. Then she sat back down.

An hour and a half later she resumed her walking practise. This time it only took her twenty minutes. And then she sat back down again.

She spent the rest of the day working on controlling her wings before retracting them a final time and crashing into her furs in exhaustion.

\-----------------

When she woke up the next morning? (afternoon? day? there was no accurate way to tell time in this place.) she less disoriented than she had been the last few times. She immediately got back to working on her wing control, as she had cheesely dubbed it.

The second time she got up though, she expanded her wings and started carefully working on her balance with this weight distribution. It took her a full five hours before she could sit down again. For the rest of this waking period (she had decided to refrain from using the word day until she actually had a frame of time reference other than her own mind.) she alternated her walking practise between having her wings out and having them hidden. Boy was this gonna take a long time….

….

….four waking periods later she felt like she had a halfway decent control over her body. At least enough to start moving around the cave complex, as she had started referring to it in her head. With retracted wings she started making her way to the supply room. She fell down twice, but she was more prepared for the fall this time around so she didn’t hurt herself badly.

She decided that she was going to put some order into this room. She had an inkling that she would be spending quite some time in this place so she was set on making it more comfortable and organized.

She started by clearing out everything that was in the supply room and pushing it into the tunnel to the weaponry. Then she grabbed a broom and a cloth and started sweeping all the dust and dirt that had accumulated into a bucket.

Two hours later she expanded her wings and started to sift through the stuff she had crammed into the tunnel. She sorted the furs by species and stacked them neatly in one corner. She lost her balance while getting up quite often, still unused to the weight on her back. 

Afterwards Clarke began sorting through the abundance of satchels and wooden crates. This opened up a treasure trove of supplies that left her giddy. One was filled with sharpening stones, another with cleaning tools, a third with bottles of oil. She would never use the latter for cooking but a set of flammable goods never hurt anyone. She found sturdy leather satchels that would come in handy for travel, set of flint and steel, along with small leather bags full of kindling and pouches filled with spices.

She discovered bundles of rope and an assortment of metal hooks and pins and she delighted at the sight of metal and leather working tools.

She sorted the cooking tools into the shelves in one side of the wall, then proceeded to organize the travel supplies into the other. While doing so she stumbled across an amazing find. A set of maps of all twelve clans.

Having finished organizing everything Clarke went out into the weapons room. She picked up a few swords until she had found a set of duals blades that sat well in her hand and we're properly balanced.

Proceeding back to the main cave, she retracted her wings and started running forms against a stalactite. She had to get back into shape and that meant training. She twirled the blades in her hands and happily found that she had not lost her skill.

She worked her body to exhaustion before once again crashing into her furs.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10  
She woke up with a gaping hole in her stomach, or at least that's what it felt like. When her mind cleared enough to form a coherent thought, she realized that she hadn’t eaten since she had awakened from her time with Wanheda.

The dried herbs and spices she had found in the supply cave were all well and good, but if she wanted to find real food she would have to venture outside this safe haven of caves that had kept her fairly calm as she dealt with her incredible new situation.

She went into the tunnels and all the way through the weaponry, to the chamber filled with clothes. With retracted wings she pulled on a pair of dark brown leather leggings, a light beige shirt over her bindings and a dark brown leather jacket over that. The jacket had tight fitting sleeves made of thick leather and was closed through lacing on the right side of the chest. Next she tied back her hair with a strip of clothes before pulling on a gugel, a pair of brown leather gloves and a belt.

Next she returned to the weapons room and started equipping herself with what she would need on her hunt. Wanheda had taught her many things, including how to hunt, climb trees and scavenge the woods for edible plants. She grabbed a set of throwing knives which she hid in her sleeves and in her boots. Then she added two long daggers to her belt, one with a serrated edge and one without. Clarke strode over to the archery equipment. With glowing eyes she examined the bows and tested the arrows with reverent fingers. She spent longer than her stomach wanted her to, looking for the right one. She had two that she was rather fond of, but something drove her to continue her search.

Then she found it. 

And gods, was it gorgeous.

A large bow with thick limbs and a riser that fit perfectly into her hand. The limbs were beautifully carved and almost long enough for it to be considered a long bow. Almost, but not quite.

She nocked the bow. A month ago she wouldn't even have been able to nock a child's bow, but now even strongest one in the bunch wasn't any trouble for her. Pulling the bowstring back, she tested the balance, perfect. She smiled to herself as she attached the quiver to her hip and secured the bow on her back.

With a quick side trip to the supply room to grab a large back pack like bag for her game, she returned to what she had taken to calling the main cave in her mind. 

Hesitantly she approached and entered the tunnel that would lead her outside. She moved silently on the stone floor, keeping to the shadows even though no one was hunting her. Soon she saw a light at the end of the tunnel. Laughing to herself at the phasing, she thought about how poetic it was. This was her starting her new life, the time that had past since she woke was the equivalent of limbo. During it she had moved neither backwards nor forwards, she had simply stayed where she was. Now she was moving again to the light that announced the world to her eyes.

And immediately overwhelmed them. As she reached the opening, the light that flooded into her vision stung on her eyes and she had to wait almost half an hour for them to adjust. Then she slowly took a step through the plant curtain and out onto the forest floor. Now she was assaulted by sounds from every direction. With a whimper she collapsed to the earth. As soon as she was able to move she dragged her body back inside the cave entrance.

An hour later she tried again. This time she applied the same technique that she used for her wings. She focused on her ears and willed them to tone down their sensitivity. It took her three tries, but she finally managed to leave the stone walls without seizing up in agony.

She quietly padded through the forest, quickly finding a comfortable rhythm as she wound her way through the trees. She soon realized the implications of her newly heightened senses. She could see farther and with far more detail than she thought humanly possible. Her hearing range, which she had slowly loosened her control on, allowed her to pick up the soft thuds of animal feet at astonishing distances. 

It was incredibly disorienting at first, but with every hour she got better at controlling and processing the new onslaught of information. As her skill with her senses increased she slipped back into her old habits from her time with Wanheda. Her feet became silent, her movements fluid, her breathing more controlled. Soon she had a rabbit in her sights.

It was one of the large ones that had been mutated by the radiation and it was sitting, ears propped attentively, on a set of moss covered rocks a few meters in front of her. Deciding not to use her bow, she threw a knife into it's heart. The rabbit fell over bleeding, but not yet dead. 

Cursing herself, Clarke sprinted over to her fallen prey. She withdrew the blade and, as dictated by Grounder custom, cut her finger on it. She let a her blood fall onto the wounded flesh of the animal.

She wonderingly stared at the skin where her had disappeared until another far more astonishing sight caught her attention. The wounded muscle fibers were knitting themselves back together, reforming into tissue and closing up the wound.

As Clarke stared in shock, the rabbit recovered and bounded off into the woods. That brought her out of her reverie. Shaking her head in an attempt to clear her mind, she stood up. She felt faint from malnourishment and realized just how dire her hunger was. She had to find sustenance soon.

Vowing to work on her aim again soon, she bounded off into the trees. Quickly achieving a silence that most hunters would gladly kill for.

It wasn’t long before an ebony arrow pierced through the eye of a doe.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for missing last week- The power went out at the palace I was vacationing and I didn't have an internet connection. So this week you get both chapters! Enjoy!

Chapter 11

Time Jump

Clarke woke up from what she had hoped would be dreamless night. Sadly, her dreams had haunted her once again. She ended hoped that one day she would be able to leave the nightmares behind her, but she knew that that time was far away. While she had come to terms with what she had done and accepted her decisions as necessary with Wanheda, she was still plagued by her memories of her father, the Skybox, the time after they first landed, Bellamy’s tyrannical rule and the face of a certain Heya that would leave her no rest. 

With a sigh she sat up and swung her legs over the side of the rock. She had added a few more bear pelts to make it more comfortable, so her back no longer complained about the action. She smiled at the cave which she had turned into a home before jumping onto the floor and starting her morning workout routine.

Two hours later she slipped off to into a tunnel that led off in the opposite direction of the weaponry. When she reached the other end she skipped down and let herself sink into the cool water.

She let herself float for a bit before she truly started cleaning herself off. She had discovered this lake not long after she had woken. It was large and fed by a spring that created a little waterfall that gave wonderful massages. The plants that illuminated this cave were also present on the bottom half of the pool, they gifted the water a beautiful blue glow.

At first she had thought that Wanheda’s cave was a natural occurrence, but she had soon found evidence that allowed her to conclude that while this water filled cave and the main chamber were natural, the others and the tunnels were clearly man made. Perhaps this had been some underground based a long time ago.

She got out of the water,washed her sweaty workout clothes and returned to the main room to hang them up to dry. Then she padded down the tunnel to the closet, as she had unimaginatively dubbed it.

Clarke carefully constructed an outfit that would be comfortable, useful and would not impair her wings. She had modified a lot of the tops to accommodate her new extremities and was currently working on a set of battle armor. Today though she had a lot to get done so she had to get a move on. 

She quickly returned to the main room and suited up for the day. She hid the knives and throwing stars in her clothes and strapped the dual blades to her back before she shouldered an empty backpack like basket that shouldered her had found among the other stuff in the supply room. Then she grabbed her bow and the map that she would need today.

With the confidence that she had regained in the last month, she stepped out of her caves. 

She quickly started making her way east towards the trading post that was marked on the newest map she had been able to get her hands on. She had better control over her senses now, so she wasn't scared to listen to all the noises of the forest in hopes of finding game.

It didn’t take long for the soft padding of animal paws to reach her ears. Clarke froze in place. She slowly notched and arrow, waiting for the wildcat to reach her. As a twig snapped behind her she spun and loosed the arrow into the flesh of her prey.

She smiled to herself and walked over to the now dead panther. She shed the basket and proceeded to drag the limp body into it. Afterwards she resounded the, now much heavier, basket and continued on her way, softly singing to herself in Trigedasleng.

\-------------------------------

Finally she reached the trading post after over half a day's walk. Pulling up her hood to conceal her face she walked inside, glad that she had taken the precaution of dyeing her hair red.

 _“Heya.”_ She greeted the woman behind the counter.

_“Heya, soujona. Chit can aim ge gon yu?” She responded._

_“I wish to trade for fabric, oil and spices.”_

_“What have you brought to trade?”_ At this comment Clarke put down the basket and tossed a leather bag full of herbs onto the counter. When she saw the panther the girl's eyes went wide. _“The spices are on that rack behind you and the fabric is over there…”_

\--------------------------------

Clarke was happy with how the trading had gone. She had gotten a good deal of fabric and oil to waterproof it, along with sturdy rope and the spices she would need to get accustomed to if she were to develop a taste for Grounder cuisine. She also appreciated the opportunity to test her Trigedasleng, the woman didn’t seem to have noticed that she wasn’t a native.

Now all she had to do was get back to the cave. She had hoped to get there before nightfall, but it looked like that wouldn't be possible. Unless she sprinted the entire way and she didn’t feel like testing out her stamina on an unfamiliar path.

She was a little over halfway back when she heard movement behind her. Instinctively she loaded her bow and quickly shot it off in the direction of what, judging by its heartbeat, was a deer. Finally turning around, she happily saw that she had been correct in her assumption of the animals species and that she had killed it with that one shot.

She tied up the stag and secured it to her back. She would make a soup tonight with the meat and the herbs and vegetables she had gathered today. Her mouth watered at the thought. It spurned her to move quicker along the nonexistent path.

She wasn’t too far from her cave, a half hour at most, when a scream reached her ears. Now this was a common occurrence as the birds in the area were rather dramatic, but something about this one sounded so uniquely human that it worried Clarke.

Making a rather reckless decision, she shot off through the trees. As she got closer to the location of the noise, the sound of a frantic heartbeat reached her ears. She crashed through the brush and was met with a horrific sight.

A horse, laden with heavy saddle bags, had its hoof stuck in a rock crevice and it's entire weight was hanging off that leg. It was screaming in its own way though it's human was unconscious. The rider had been thrown several feet away and had a branch stuck through their left side.

The animal was beyond hope. Clarke might have been able to heal it's injuries, but even then it would have been impossible to remove it's leg without killing it. So she went over to it and shoved a thin pointed needle through its brain. Then she turned to the rider.

She asked the situation as best she could without touching the body. It seemed like the most problematic wound was the branch and that was holding the wound closed by itself. She wound have to remove it in a more stable location. It looked like whoever it was had simply passed out from the pain and not blood loss like she had originally thought. 

With a sigh she returned to the horse and removed the rider's belongings, placing them in the basket on her back. Then she pulled a long serrated dagger from a sheath on her left calf. She held the branch in place and cut part way through the woods on the side opposite the body. 

Careful to jostle the body as little as possible, she wrapped an arm and around it and used her new found strength to break the branch of the tree. She flipped the body over in her arms so she would be able to more easily carry the woman back to her cave. What she saw when she did left her speechless. The body wasn’t that of some random Grounder woman, even though she certainly looked like one.

She shook herself out of her shock induced catatonic state and sprinted off in the direction of the caves. She glanced down once more, just to make sure that she had not made a mistake in the victim's identity. She hadn't. 

It was Octavia.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you go! As always all mistakes are mine and I don't own any of the 100 characters.

Tripping through the entrance of the main chamber she ripped most of the furs off her bed with one hand while supporting Octavia with the other arm. Then she carefully placed the body on the last remaining bear pelt. Then she busied herself around the cave.

She pulled the furs away and into a corner so that she would not trip over them. Then she sprinted to the lake and returned with two buckets full of water. Placing them with two empty ones on one side of the slab, she put a tall stool next to the rock before taking off towards the supply room. There she quickly found what she was looking for; a few rolls of bandages and two bottles of clear alcohol.

Three minutes after she had first arrived, Clarke approached the limp form of her injured friend with a set of clean rags and freshly disinfected knives. She placed the tools on the stool next to her and got to work removing the large part of the branch from Octavia’s side. She pushed and pulled, inching the wood out while trying to do the least possible damage. When she had done that she pushed cloth onto both sides of the wound to try and limit the bleeding. Then she slowly used the knives to pick, cut and pull the left over splinters and pine needles out of her friend's abdomen. Then she poured the first bucket full of water onto the wound, which she followed with a bottle of alcohol. At this, Octavia started writhing and screaming, almost falling off in the process. Clarke knew that she was running out of time, for even she couldn’t bring things back to life, and that Octavia was making things worse for herself. She quickly grabbed some rope and tied Octavia’s limbs down by securing the other end of each strand of rope to a nearby stalagmite. Then she returned to her task.

It took her another full minute to be sure that she had truly been able to remove everything from the open would. She took a clean knife and let out a shout as she split the skin of her wrist in two. She let the blood drip into Octavia’s injured side. She had to hold it open with her other hand and squeeze to be able to get the amount of blood out before the cut healed itself up again. She watched as the flesh knit itself up again and the skin around the former hole, reached out with soft pink tendrils to cover it once more.

The new skin was thin and fragile. She had noticed that bigger wounds took a longer time to heal and, especially with larger animals, sometimes took more than one dose of her blood. Octavia would have to wake up soon, so she would be able to drink more, and eat by the look of her bony self. She wouldn't be alright right away, her body would need time to replenish all the blood it had lost and would need a few more doses of blood to completely heal the damaged tissue.

Clarke sighed and turned her attention to the gash on Octavia’s forehead. That was a much simpler matter. It took her two minutes to pick out all the impurities and then only a few more seconds for Clarke’s blood to heal it's back up. Then she started attending to the smaller injuries that her friend had sustained. She ended up having to strip off most of her clothes and restrain the area around her abdomen as sleep clearly was not a peaceful experience for Octavia. 

Having done all she could at the moment, Clarke cleaned up the bloody mess operating on the other young woman had left before starting a fire in her cooking pit, thank the gods for the ventilation shafts in here, and preparing a stew. As her meal simmered she took care of today's game and the supplies she had gotten at the trading post. She sorted everything into it's proper shelf in its proper cave, having come up with a dependable system in the last month. Then she sunk into her furs with a bowl of stew and a flagon of fresh water, settling in for a long night of watching over the sleeping girl in front of her.

\---------------------------------------------------------

Octavia seemed to wake a few hours later, pulling Clarke out of her doze. She shot up and held down the girl struggling against her bonds, afraid that she would hurt herself. Her wound might have healed, but the tissue was still fragile and the blood loss had left her body weak. Clarke reached for the cup of her blood that she had prepared, lifted up the brunette’s head and poured the contents down her throat. She closed the younger girl’s mouth and performed the maneuvers her mother had taught her to ensure that Octavia swallowed everything. She fell asleep a few fitful minutes after that.

\--------------------------------------------------------

The second time Octavia rose from her slumber she was far more self aware. She struggled against her bonds and woke up Clarke who had fallen asleep from exhaustion, the blood loss a literal drain on her system. She rushed to her former friend’s bedside and tried to calm her.

“Shh, Octavia you’re okay.”

“What the floating hell! I’m tied to a stone table like Aslan from Narnia! Don’t tell me I’m okay, you bitch!”

“You need to calm down. Your wou…”

“Shut up! You drag me in here and tie me up and now you try to tell me what to do?! I don’t know who you are but that’s not how I work! Now let me go!”

Clarke reached the end of her rope. “SHUT UP OCTAVIA AND LAY STILL!” She bellowed the full force of Wanheda behind her voice, causing a few rock fragments to sprinkle form the ceiling. The other girl winced fearfully at the tone and for once in her time on the ground, Octavia did as she was told and let herself fall back onto the stone. Sh e closed her eyes for a few seconds, long enough for Clarke to lean over her to check whether or not she had fallen asleep again, before opening them and staring at her former friend with a much clearer gaze.

“Clarke?”, she asked not bothering to keep her fury out of her tone. Clarke held up her hand in a manner that left no room for discussion.

“I’ll explain everything, but it’s a long story and you are still weak. Drink your medicine and I will answer your questions.” She put a cup filled with her golden blood to Octavia’s lips and the girl drank dutifully even though she screwed up her face in disgust at the taste. Clarke had her chase it down with an herbal brew that would help replenish her blood and prevent infection of any wounds she may have missed in an attempt to keep the girl’s privacy intact. Octavia continued to glare at her the whole time and when she had finished she cleared her throat ominously.

She started off reasonably though. “Would you be so kind to untie me?”

“I will loosen the straps if you promise not to move, your injuries have yet to heal fully.” The girl nodded, yet Clarke proceeded with caution, knowing full well that she wasn’t dealing with the naive little girl that had first landed on the ground. Once she had carefully removed the rope from the girl said patient tried to get up. She put her hand on her chest and gently, yet firmly, pushed her back down.

“I meant what I said. You need to heal.” She received a glare from Octavia. But nothing else for a few minutes.

“Why are you keeping me here?”

“I told you. You need to heal from your injuries, that accident was the worst I have seen.”

Octavia scoffed. ”Well the village wasn’t an accident, so I guess you could see it that way.”, she muttered. Then she turned her gaze back on Clarke. “What exactly do I need to heal from?”

“What is the last thing that you remember?”

“I was riding in the forest hoping to hunt.”, she replied grudgingly.

“Walk me through what happened. It will make it easier to access the memories you have most likely suppressed.” With a glare that could melt icebergs and a sigh, Octavia complied.

“I was riding. Food has been scarce at camp and I had ridden further than I ever have in this direction because there was no game around the clearing.” At this clarke laughed.

“I can imagine they’re as loud as a horde of monkeys.” Octavia cleared her throat irritatedly and continued.

“Anyway, I wasn’t as familiar with my surroundings so I was looking around too much instead of where I was going.”, she conceded. “My horse tripped, I went flying and about a second later I felt like my insides were being ripped out.”

“That's because they were.” The blunt statements had a shocked Octavia snapping her head towards the other woman.

“What?!” The volume of her voice left Clarke’s highly sensitive ears stinging.

“I'll be blunt about it. Your abdomen was impaled on a branch. You were unconscious when I found you.”

“Prove it.” was the skeptic reply.

“How? I can show you the pieces of wood that I pulled out of you?”

“Please do so.” Clarke walked over to the shelves on the opposite wall. She quickly retrieved the bucket of wood. She showed it to the brunette, who examined the pieces with a shocked expression.

“How?” She whispered softly.

“How what?” Clarke asked.

“How am I alive?” She whispered, a look of uncertainty coming to rest of her now less hardened features.

“That's a long story.” Clarke sighed.

“Well, from what you said. I've got time.”

Clarke looked at her questioningly. She hadn't considered whether she actually wanted to share her story or with whom. She knew she couldn't tell everyone or her blood would become the most sought after commodity in all the clans. She sighed and sat on a barrel next to Octavia. The girl had consumed over a pint of her blood, she deserved the truth.

“You can't tell anyone because what they will do to me will be worse than death. Do you feel like you can promise me that?” Octavia stared at her.

“I don't want to, but I will.”

“Well then, get comfortable. This is going to take a bit. Oh, and I apologise for what had to happen for you to heal.” Octavia arched an eyebrow at that last sentiment. Clarke ignored it and launched into her story. “It happened about a month after I left. I didn't find that out until later, though. I wasn't taking very good care of myself at the time…”

\---------------------------------------------------------

“YOU MADE ME DRINK WHAT?!?!?”

“Hey, I said I was sorry! My blood was the only way to save your life!”

“You could have at least waited to asked my permission!”

“Right, so I should have waited for the almost corpse in front of me with a branch sticking out of her to wake up and give me permission to heal her.”

“No! But you should have waited for me to be conscious enough to allow you to pour your disgusting blood down my throat! And how is it possible that I don’t see any cuts on you?!” Clarke sighed and reached for a dagger, twirling it in her hand and placing it on her arm. “Wait! What are you doing?!”

“It's obvious that you won't believe me without proof.” And she sliced that blade across her skin. Octavia’s eyes became as big as saucers when golden blood welled up out of the cut. They became even wider when Clarke wiped away the blood to reveal perfect skin.

“Okay.”, was all Octavia squeaked before closing her gaping mouth and staring at Clarke’s arm. 

A few minutes later she asked, “Can I sit up now?” Clarke nodded and the girl pushed herself upwards, letting her legs hang over the side of the rock. She looked down at the clean and unmarred skin with awe. When she looked up at Clarke there was less anger and judgement in her expression. “So what have you been doing since you woke up?”

“I've been sorting through the supplies and weapons mostly. I've gone out a few times to get food and whatever else I need. Oh and I've been training in the physical world.” 

“Well, what do we do now?”

“First I’m going to get you some soap and towels and you are going to bathe. You stink. While you're in the water I'm going to try to find you some clothes.”

“In my defence it has been impossible to get more than one shower a week and then only for a few minutes. Speaking of which. Where exactly am I going to bathe?”

Clarke gestured for her to follow her and they went through a tunnel, coming out in a cave filled with glowing blue water. She handed the brunette a lump of soap and a few towels before leaving to find the girl some clothes. 

She returned fifteen minutes later with some underwear, a pair of loose pants and an old sweatshirt she had found in one of the bunkers she had raised in the past month. Octavia was still in the water clearly enjoying the ability to swim immensely. 

“I'm putting the clothes here with the towels okay. I'll have dinner ready in half an hour.”

“Okay.” Octavia called back absentmindedly.

Shaking her head Clarke returned to the supply room to grab an arm full of furs for Octavia to sleep on. Then she slowly started chopping up vegetables, herbs and chunks of venison and squirrel. She took her time making the soup to allow the other girl to truly clean herself. When she had discovered the lake a week after waking up, she had taken a full three hours to scrub away the dirt and grime of over a month and a half. 

Octavia came back into the main chamber dressed and with a towel wrapped around her wet hair. Clarke instructed her to spread out the wet towels of the other side of the cave and then gestured for her to sit down on the pole of furs and blankets waiting for her.

“So what are you going to do now?” Octavia asked.

“ I don't know.” Clarke replied honestly. “I know I can't stay in here forever, but I don't feel ready to face the world yet. The training Wanheda gave me is amazing and I have been able to fully reestablish it out here, but I'm not sure what to do with it. No one back at camp sees me as anything but a child and none of them will listen to me, yet the clans see me as their leader. No one of the Skaikru seem to recognize that we don't have a right to this land. I don't want to get sucked up by that craziness again. I've already killed a lot of people for peace and it has never lasted. People keep ignoring my sacrifices and trampling all over my work. I am having trouble keeping my belief in them.”

Octavia looked at her thoughtfully. “I don't think I ever realized what you have gone through. I always just blamed you for the shitty situations that seemed to arise from your decisions. Am I right in suspecting that your decisions pulled us out of even shittier situation?”

“Well that's what I always tried to do. I didn't want this huge responsibility. I didn't want to be a leader.”

“Then why did you become one?”

“It wasn't exactly a choice, but I did my best to save everyone because everyone included me. If I didn't step up then your brother would have led us all to our deaths. No offense by the way.”

Octavia chuckled. “None taken. Bellamy is a bit of an idiot sometimes and right now he has got his head so far up his ass that he can't tell the difference between a hand reached out to help and a fist meant to punch him in the face.”

“Really? I had hoped he would cool down a bit.”

“Have you met my brother?””

“Yeah, you're right. I don't want to talk about this anymore. Can we change the subject?”

“Sure. Your mom is fine. She's the current chancellor and helping people get their shit together. Jasper is a drunken mess. Bellamy thinks he is the head of the guards. We are all back to being treated like incapable, criminal children, except when they need something to actually get done. Then Raven, Bell and I take care if stuff. Now, what other changes happened after your spiritual awakening?”

“Well, my senses are much more powerful than before…”

“How powerful?”

“I can see every pore on your skin and every single bump in the rock behind you. I can hear for miles and smell smoak from quite far away.”

“Cool.”

“I'm stronger and faster. My canines are slightly longer. Oh, and I have wings.”

“Now don't start spinning tales Clarke.” The brunette said good naturedly. 

“I'm not.”

“Then how come I don’t see any wings?”

“Because I can retract them into my body. I'll show you if you want?” It was so easy talking to O when she wasn't furious with her and she wanted to avoid bringing that anger back. 

“Please do.” 

Clarke rose up from her pile of pelts and expanded her wings. Octavia just stared at the figure standing in front of her in open mouthed awe. She recovered quicker than Clarke herself had, though and asked.

“So can you fly?”

“I don't now.” Clarke said sheepishly. “I've never tried.”

“How is that possible! You could be capable of the most amazing thing on this planet and you haven't tried it out? This has got to change!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey. So I'm writing on my phone these days because my laptop is broken and that may cause a few scheduling issues. Just a heads up. I really hope you liked this chapter and thanks for sticKing with this story! ♡♡


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13  
“I don't think this is a good idea!” Clarke squeaked.

They were in the woods quite a ways away from the caves that had become a home for both of them in the last two weeks and standing on a moss covered boulder that allowed for a six foot drop on one side.

“Oh, come on, Clarke! It's not that far down!”

“Funny coming from the person that isn’t the one supposed to jump off this thing!”

She could practically hear Octavia roll her eyes behind her. _She can roll her eyes as much as she likes_ , Clarke thought, _but I'd like to see her jump off this rock_. 

“Well you are the one with the wings and weirdo blood, so you don't have anything to worry about!”

Clarke sighed, she had a point. She concentrated and expanded her wings to their full wingspan of more than three meters. She tentatively stared flapping them, a movement she had been practising almost constantly since Octavia had gotten it is to her head that Clarke _absolutely needed to be able to fly!_ An impatient noise from Octavia spurned her on. She took a deep breath, stepped forward and jumped off…

...and…

...fell on her ass. She screamed as a stone shard was rammed into her left thigh and a branch pierced her right foot. She pulled the rock out of her leg and felt the wound heal up. Then Octavia was at her side and assisted Clarke in removing the tree splinter from her foot. They both got up and returned to the cave for the night.

The cave had changed drastically in the short time Octavia had been with her. Together it felt much more like a home and they both treated it as such. The main cave had two fur piles on the ground which they used as beds while the rock slab had been converted into a table. They had cleanup and sorted the inventory of the weaponry to create a decently sized training area in the middle. She had found several sets of clothes and armor to fit each of them and they had started sweeping up the dirt they left behind on the stone floors. 

Sitting down on the newly made stools they enjoyed a hare and mushroom stir fry from opposite sides of the stone table as Octavia insisted on calling it.

“I think we underestimated your hang up with heights. You should practice flapping your wings really high up. I mean really high up, like lower flying altitudes. We are going to climb a tree tomorrow and then you can stand on a branch and try to concentrate in a more realistic situation…”

Clarke sighed. A week ago she would have said that the only way she would find herself that high up would be as a corpse. However it had turned out that Octavia was really good at convincing Clarke to do things outside her comfort zone, so she knew that O would get her up there somehow. After failing in her attempt to change the subject Clarke excused herself for bed and Octavia soon followed suit.

\---------------------------------------------------------

“Seriously O? You want us to go up there?” Clarke gulped as she put her head back all the way to touch her spine. She had to to see the top of the tree. It wouldn't be hard to climb; she knew that for sure. As far as crazy high trees went Octavia had found a fairly decent one. It had branches all the way down and was on the edge of a clearing to one side.

“Yes. You need to be high enough to feel like you're actually in the sky.” She stopped looking up and started to scale the wood pillar in front of them. Clarke sighed as she followed suit. She was still insecure about heights after jumping off the waterfalls with Any attachments, but if she was honest with herself being able to fly would be pretty cool.

They spent a good half hour weaving their way through the branches until they found one that stood off a a ways, but could still support their weight. Clarke went first while Octavia remained near the trunk, holding onto a rope she had slung around it. Clarke moved forward cautiously and once she was in position she eased her wings slowly out of her back. 

She closed her eyes as she started flapping them, concentrating on her center of gravity like Wanheda had taught her. She breathed in as her wings closed and out as they expanded.  
In...out…

in...out…

in...out…

in...out…

in...ou

She felt a push in her side and tumbled out into the air. Air rushed past her as she plummeted to the ground. Panicking, she tried to flap her wings. Adrenaline surged through her body strengthening the muscles controlling her wings and she managed to spread them out with a slight curve. They acted like parachutes, slowing down her fall immensely. Then something that seemed like instinct kicked in and she forcefully pushed them down wards again and again.

She started gaining altitude and a euphoria she had never felt before surged through her body. A grin spread across her features that hadn't been there since she had turned fifteen. The sun caressed her face and the wind blew through her hair. 

She looked down and for the first time since escaping Mount Weather she wasn't afraid of the height. She felt a pleasant burning in her shoulder muscles that alerted her to their limited strength. With a sigh and a bit of sadness she let herself fall back to the earth.

As soon as her feet touched the ground and anger boiled up within her. She rounded on Octavia who had climbed down from the tree while Clarke was preoccupied by the sky.

“What in the floating hell Octavia?!!” Her voice sent a troop of birds flying out of their tree. The other girl just stood there wearing a shut eating grin. Then she answered. 

“Well you flew. Didn't you?”

“But _you_ couldn't know that!”

“Actually, this is how birds teach their young to fly. You had to see that you could do it first before you would be able to do it on your own.”

“And now suddenly _you_ are the flight expert?”

“Okay Okay. I'll admit that it was mean, but you can't argue with results! Now, what are you going to do?”

“Practice. What else? Oh and you owe me Big Time!” She threw the last comment over her shoulder as she sprinted off, leaving a smiling Octavia behind.

\-------------A Week Later----------------

Earth shaking thunder ripped both of them out of their sleep. They sprinted outside, only to see a column of smoke going up a few days ride away...


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait and the short chapter, but I just wanted to write something and I've had very little time to do so. My grandma got hurt and now we are two weeks into the school year and still don't know our exam schedule, even though we could be taking some in two weeks. Our teachers have ramped up their homework and I've had school till 5 on monday and tuesday, till 5:45 on thursday and till 3:20 on friday. I will do my best to update more and with less breaks but I can't promise everything until everything has settled down at home and at school. I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Octavia turned towards Clarke. She knew the look in the other brunette’s eyes and stated her opinion on the matter.

“No! Absolutely not!” 

“Oh, come on Clarke! Someone might be hurt! They'll need our help!”

“Like you said. They _could_ be hurt. We don't know what is going on or who is going to be there. You have been missing from Arkadia for over two weeks, are you really trying to tell me that no one is looking for you? And furthermore, what could we do for them?”

“You’re a doctor Clarke they are going to need your help!”

“I’m a teenager with medical training not relevant to this terrain! Plus, look at where the smoke is coming from. It would take us a week to reach that on foot!”

“There is a trading post not even a day's walk from here. We could get horses. So what if someone is looking for me. If they find us I'll tell them where they can go. Are _you_ seriously telling me that your drive to help people has disappeared?”

“No I'm not. What I am saying is that we will not be able to do much when we get there and that I'm not sure I'm ready to leave this place behind. I know that as soon as word gets out that I'm alive and kicking people from every side of this giant cluster fuck will either want me dead or fighting for them and to be honest Octavia?” She turned towards her friend, who nodded for her to continue. “I'm really tired of fighting.” She let down all her walls at that moment and hoped Octavia could see the utter exhaustion in her face. She really didn't want to go back out there. Clarke was aware that she wouldn't be able to hide here forever. The clans already called her Wanheda and many warriors would come looking for her so that they could claim the honour and glory that came with slaying the Commander of Death. Octavia’s voice pulled her out of her thoughts. 

“What _do_ you want Clarke?”

“To stay here and live my life in peace, maybe get some art supplies and draw until my eyesight gives out. To stop the Skaikru and the Azgeda from destroying the peace Lexa worked so hard to build. To get through to the stubborn jackasses on both sides and explain that they are going to get themselves and their friends killed if they go on like this.”

“You do realise that you can only live out one of those options, right?”

“Yeah.” Clarke sighed, “and the way things have been going it'll probably end up being the one that will bring me the most trouble.”

\------------24 Hours Later----------------

“Are you sure we didn’t forget anything?” Clarke inquired as she fastened another pack to her saddle.

“Stop fretting Clarke. You need to calm down, you’re making the horses nervous. I'm sure we've got it all you've already quadruple checked everything.” Octavia replied.

She sounded annoyed and Clarke almost felt guilty, but she knew that they wouldn't be able to return here anytime soon, if at all, so she wanted to make sure that they were fully prepared. She went through her mental checklist again; _clothes, armor, water, weapons, furs, bed roll, cooking supplies, herbs, medical supplies, alcohol, maps, towels, soap…_ as she did so Clarke went around both their mounts ensuring that everything was tucked away safely. Then she climbed into the saddle that adorned the light brown stallion which she had named Jemison. Octavia mounted Odysseus and they rode off, the smoke guiding their way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long note and the short chapter. I will try to get back to normal length chapters next time. I promise I have not forgotten this fic or my other one and that I WILL update them as soon as possible without falling behind on my IRL obligations. Thank you for being pateint and making it this far through my author's notes!


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Told ya I wasn't going to leave you hanging.

Chapter 15  
It had been two days of hard riding and Clarke was thankful for her newly gained stamina as she was utterly out of practice on horseback. It also didn't help that she could feel every tiny little bump in the saddle and her leather pants. She was also grateful that it was almost over now. They would reach the site by noon tomorrow which meant that it was time for Clarke to don her disguise. She pushed the bowl with their dinner’s blood towards Octavia, who looked back at her with a priceless expression.

“What am I supposed to do with that?”

“I need you to help me dye my hair.” Clarke replied. She may have left her safe haven, but she wanted to stop people from recognizing her as long as possible. She would help out as much as she could until the healers arrived. Then she would take off before anyone too important arrived. Maybe she would even head back to Arkadia and give her mother a proper goodbye before she disappeared again. There wasn’t much she could do at camp before they got over themselves. 

“Fine. Sit down this will take a second.”

It ended up taking two hours until both women were satisfied with the results. Then Octavia slipped into her bedroll as Clarke took the first watch.

\---------------------------------------------

They packed up their camp as soon as the sun came up over the trees and were back in the saddle not an hour later. Clarke had already braided her hair back and dye her eyebrows last night, but they had had to freshen the hair do up this morning which made her slightly less sure of their plan. 

The closer they got to the sight the less wildlife Clarke could hear. By the time they were only a mile away the entire forest was quiet except the beating of hooves and the subdued chatter of the people ahead of them.

Soon the trees parted in front of them and they were faced with a very familiar sight of destruction, but it still brought tears to both their eyes. They immediately swallowed their feelings and dismounted, leading their horses down to the center of the crater.

 _“Who are you?”_ a woman with dark hair and a scar on her right cheek asked when they arrived.

 _“That is not relevant. We are here to help in any way we can.”_ Clarke replied. She had insisted that she do most of the talking as Octavia still had a slight accent in her trigedasleng.

_“Well then. What can you do?”_

_“I’m a healer and my friend here is a warrior. Just tell us where you need help.”_ Under normal circumstance no one would have accepted their help for honor's sake, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

_“The injured are in those tents over there. Your friend can help dig out any survivors with the warriors back there. What should I call you?”_

_“I am Kala and she is Aurora.”_ The woman nodded and they parted ways.

As Clarke entered the tent the stench turned her stomach inside out. There was a man and a young girl rushing in between the makeshift cots. The man looked up at her questioningly.

 _“I am a healer.”_ , she said, _“Bring me the cleanest towels you can find and start boiling water and wine. I will also require clean thread, a needle and a flame.”_ The two looked relieved to have someone there who knew what they were doing and sprinted off to do as they were told.

Clarke made her way through all the patients in all three tents. She looked at their injuries. Some were lost beyond hope, she gave them a quick death at their request. Some would never regain the use of their injured limbs, many of them to asked for a quick, honorable death. She denied them until someone of proper Trikru authority could give her the right, but promised to end it if they were at death’s door. Then other’s wounds were bleeding through their bandages and many wounds were infected. She was certain that there wouldn’t be enough thread for all the necessary stitches. She would have to cauterize most of the wounds.

The girl and the man returned with their medical supplies and nearly dropped them when they saw the bodies. 

_“They would not have survived their wounds, they asked for a quick and honorable death.”_

That was the last she spoke to them outside of commands. They worked through lunch and dinner and continued to work well into the night. Once in awhile one of the gonas would come in with another body.

Clarke really wished that she had trained her sense of smell as well as her hearing. She could tune out the sounds of the shifting rubble and the screamed of the trapped and even though she could block out the sound of sizzling flesh and the puncturing needle, she could still force it to the back of her mind. However, her nose was filled with the smell of rotting flesh, burned skin, blood, smoke, disinfectant herbs and the healing tea she had Octavia prepare.

She was glad she had had the conversation with Octavia over the use of her blood during their first night on the road. That had left the younger girl enough time to process and come to terms with Clarke’s decision. She would not use her blood on anyone she didn't know would keep their mouth shut and she wouldn't use it for anything other than to save a life. Keeping the color of her blood and it's properties a secret would be hard enough without her using it at every turn. If the wrong people found out, she would become the most sought after commodity in all the clans. (As if she wasn't already.)

She cared for the patients as best she could. Once she was satisfied that everyone would survive the night, she wolfed down a few strips of dried meat and let herself fall into the cot Octavia had set up in their tent earlier that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for nothe updating in so long. Good news though, fall break starts next week and I should have a lot more time to write then. (Studying excluded of course.)


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the long delay. I have resigned myself to sporodic updates until I've finished this semester's exams. Please enjoy!

Thirty-two. That's how many dead bodies had been pulled out of the wreckage since Octavia and Clarke had arrived in Ichmon. That was the name of the village that had been devastated by what had to have been a missile strike.

Clarke had killed another ten and three more had died in the two days since then. Thankfully the villagers didn't blame Clarke for the deaths. They understood why Clarke killed them and the families spoke to the crippled before their fight ended. Clarke was grateful that she didn't have to kill more. She already had too much blood on her hands. Now literally as well as figuratively. Her hair and hands were dark red with blood, though her fingers were brown with the dried substance after the rare hours of sleep. 

She had had to send some people out for herbs and the water-alcohol mixture was kept at a constant boil. The seemingly endless expanse of wounded flesh ate up her medicine with an almost unmatchable pace and the stench of burned skin clung to her nose like a drowning man to a life raft. 

She had always wanted to be a doctor. She had always wanted to help people. However, no amount of helping her mother in the Ark’s clinic could have prepared her for the ground. Earth was brutal and the Arkers’ closed mindedness had cost them all many lives. She had stopped being a kid somewhere around ten, when she saw the first death of way too many. Even so she had been innocent and naive when she had landed here. She hadn't understood people and living in the fathomless darkness of space hadn't prepared her for the darkness some people carried within themselves.

She had wanted to heal and help, instead of kill and destroy. She had wanted to save people, not doom them to a horrible death. Even now, months later the images of the burned and disfigured corpses still haunted her. 

She awoke on her fourth day in the village to a rosey pink sky, a sight too beautiful for the tragedy it's light illuminated. She had gone to sleep a only a few hours ago as she had had to continously wake up a man with a severe concussion to ensure he didn't slip into a coma. At some point Alexsa the girl that had been helping in the tent when she had first arrived had taken over so Clarke could get some rest. The girl had a talent for healing and was already familiar with the basic herbs that had grown around the village, so Clarke had taken to mentoring her. She had learned that one of the bodies that had been burned before her arrival, had belonged to the village healer. 

They lit a pryer for the dead bodies every night and Clarke would make a point to join Octavia there in the evenings. She could never stay and hold vigil for long, but she was glad her friend let herself have that time to breath. The girl had been only fifteen when they had landed and yet she had taken to the ground better and faster than any of them. Yet she had seen a lot in the past year and a half and Clarke worried about how she was dealing with that. They were both exhausted, but each had been through worse alone. They took comfort in each others’ presence even if it was only for a few minutes before one of them was needed elsewhere. 

“Ehy, Kala!” Octavia’s voice confidently carried across the crater, pulling Clarke back into the present. 

_“Aurora. Did you find another one?”_

_“No we have not found anyone that requires your assistance. I wanted to ask you to hunt with me. Alexsa says that she is able to take care of the patients while we are out. We have not hunted together since we have arrived here. The village needs food and you need to move before you become a statue in the healers’ tent.”_

Clarke thought about what Octavia was saying. Wanheda had told her that she would have to work less to maintain her muscle mass and that her muscle memory had increased ten-fold during her time in the spirit realm. She had been elated to hear that as it meant that she would not have to spend all her days working, but her hair needed to be redone and she desperately needed a bath. Octavia had realised this and was giving her the perfect opportunity. She smiled at the girl, no woman, who had so quickly become her best friend. 

_“I will be happy to join you in your hunt. I would ask that you wait for me to retrieve my weapons.”_

_“Gladly.”_ Octavia nodded. Clarke sprinted tent back to her tent and shouldered her bow and quiver. She sheathed her knives and shoved a few throwing stars into her pockets, before making her way out to where Octavia had already saddled Jemison and Odysseus. 

As soon as their horses had solid ground underneath their hooves, they sped up into a gallop. Clarke hadn't run in days so, once they were far enough away from the village, she vaulted off her horse and ran along side it. At some point she sped up even further, leaving Octavia and their still galloping mounts behind. She jumped into the air, unfurling her wings as she did so. She whooped in exhilaration as she flew through the forest, only her enhanced hearing enabling her to catch Octavia’s laughter at her antics.

Clarke just barely remember to stay below the tree line. She didn't want news about her new abilities to get out before she was ready. She had no doubt that it would get out, wings and fangs weren't exactly inconspicuous, but she hoped to delay that day until she was more comfortable in her new skin. 

She listened intently to her surroundings. The only human heartbeat in the nearby area, besides her thunderous own, belonged to Octavia. Even though they are miles away, she could still pick up the bustling sounds of the village along with some familiar heartbeats. Closer to them were a few larger animals, along with a multitude of birds and rodents. Hoping in on a panther stalking a deer, she drew her weapons before dropping out of the sky. In one deadly motion she threw a dagger into the deer’s eye and a throwing sat to slit the panthers throat. Clarke retracted her wings and landed on the ground with a soft thump and diffused the remaining momentum through a graceful roll.

A whistling from behind her alerts Clarke that Octavia has caught up with her.

“I've never seen you move like that. If I didn't know you were a fun loving dork, I'd be shaking in my boots.” With a laugh Clarke slapped her friend’s leg and then proceeded to lug the creatures’ corpses onto Jemison.

“Come on Octavia. I saw a river a bit further that way. We both need a bath and I need to redo my hair.”

\-----------------------------

Clarke loved the feeling of the water against her sensitive skin. Since she had awoken in Wanheda’s cave everything had been a little rough. Her enhanced nerve endings were over responding to almost everything. She had learned to ignore it most of the time and even utilise it in the healers’ tent, but the smooth water provided a much needed relief and a calmness that she had been lacking.

However, she knew that they didn't have much time. They would have to return to the village soon and there was still a lot to be done. She shot up to the surface.

Wring out her hair, she waded back to shore, where Octavia was bleeding the panther. The younger girl looked up at her with a sparkle in her eyes. 

“Finally decided to rejoin the living, did you? I almost thought you had drowned with how long you've been under there.” Clarke laughed at the sentiment and started getting dressed. When she was done Octavia started dying Clarke’s telltale golden stands Kala's deep red. Two hours later Clarke refrained her hair and they returned her kill to Jemison’s back.

They made their way back through the forest taking down a few other animals on their way. With just enough meat to give everyone a decent meal, they returned to the village at the same time as two other hunting parties. They dropped off their kills at the cook’s tent where three children were busily skinning animals.

Clarke heard an uptick in Alexsa’s heartbeat and sprinted back to the healers’ tent. As soon as she entered the girl turned to face her.

_“I am glad to see you return, Kala. I do not know what I can do for this man. He will not calm.”_

Her gaze slid past the girl to fall upon the man in question. He was tossing and turning. Clarke rushed to his side and checked him over. She managed to feel the slightest bulge in his throat that did not belong there. He had most likely not swallowed his food properly before falling into his tea induced sleep. Clarke knew that he would have to wake up, so she motioned for Alexsa to move away from him. She found the right pressure point and jabbed in quickly with her knuckle. The man shot up into a sitting position fast enough for Clarke to require her new speed when retracting her head.

The man coughed before clearing his throat and calming down again. He smiled at her and managed to choke out a _“mochof”_ before laying down again. Clarke smiled to herself and assured the girl behind her that she had done everything she could. Then they busied themselves with the others’ wounds. Not all were caused by the original impact. The missile had caused fires and dust, which caused burns and choking on dust filled lungs.

As they worked the sky outside slowly lost its light. When it returned Clarke was still working as the gona’s had found several people under the rubble that were still alive in defiance of their injuries and Clarke had had to care for them. She sent Alexsa to get some sleep a while ago, but she had no idea how much time had past by the time a horrible stomping caused her to double over. When it stopped she could decipher the words being said outside. She fell to the ground when the voice that had been haunting her dreams since she had last heard it in person.

Silent, shocked and paralyzed. That’s how Alexsa found her on the ground later when the Heda had asked to speak to the village healer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well there you have it folks! The other half has shown up. How do you think the will react to seeing each other again after all this time? Let me know in the comments! And thank you for reading!


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember all italics are Trigedasleng.

In the six days since the news of the missile strike had reached Polis, Lexa had gotten exactly twelve hours of sleep. The ambassadors were were certain that SkaiKru had launched the attack on Ichmon and they were thirsting for their blood. After what happened on the Mountain, Lexa knew the SkaiKru would feel betrayed, but she had seen a few of them had come to understand what the Ground, as they called it, required of them. She had hoped that this understanding would spread and that with time they would be able to form a lasting alliance. They had not seemed this rash to her when they were planning the attack, could they truly be behind this attack?

If they were, why Ichmon and why now? They had been quiet for months with no attempt at communication.However, her scouts had notified her that the SkaiKru were transporting supplies from the Mauon home to their camp. They could have been using this as cover for repairing some of the Mountain Men’s weapons and if they weren’t responsible, a bigger and far more perplexing question posed itself: Who else would be capable of launching a mauon missile?

She had worked tirelessly to calm the ambassadors enough to accept her plan of caution and rebuilding, instead of the immediate retribution that Azgeda had instigated the others into demanding. After an exhausting round of meetings Lexa had finally been able to get the council to accept that she would first focus on the village that had suffered the actual attack and then determine who was to blame.

That had been all the more tiring because she to, wished to make the people responsible for this atrocity pay for their actions. She had had to control her own rage and ever growing frustration in a room full of outraged hot-heads yelling over each other. Her mind, body and self-control were exhausted and the demanding times showed no sign of ending, but perhaps she would be able to catch a full night’s sleep tonight when she had seen to Ichmon. 

Two days ago, she had set off from Polis, leaving many very disgruntled emissaries in her wake. She, Indra, Irvin, Ington, Rida and Iden had been riding straight through the nights, only stopping to give the horses and their bodies a brief respite. They had skipped meals, training and sleep to get to Ichmon as quickly as humanly possible. Now they were less than five minutes out, they had slowed down slightly and Lexa had straightened out her armor and braids, ready to look far more put together than she actually was. 

The scouts around the village, which were noticeably lacking in numbers, carried the message of their arrival ahead of them. The trees thinned and their horses came to a stop at the edge of the crater. I have looked upon too many craters in my life, Lexa thought to herself. 

She knew that the survivors had already sorted through some of the rubble, but from here it was impossible to tell how much. Tents of many shades and sizes were scattered throughout the destruction and people scuttled about the landscape, reminding Lexa that she was here to help and support, not gaze on from a distance. With a quick hand gesture they cautiously made their way down to the center of the crater. The village chief, who had been out with a hunting party when the bomb hit, approached them with a respectful bow to Lexa. With a nod from her Heda, the dark haired woman straightened her spine and spoke. _“Welcome, Commander. We are honored by your visit.”_

 _“Thank you, Ationa.”_ Lexa spoke with a loud and confident voice, _“We are here to help. More warriors and some of Polis’ best healers are on their way.”_

_“Many thanks, Commander.”_

_“We will set up our tents and then we may discuss what has been and can be done to allow you all to recover from this terrible tragedy. I promise we will find whoever did this and they will pay for their crimes with their life! Jus drain jus daun!”_ She could see that her speech helped, but there wasn’t the usual cheering, everyone was exhausted.

_“Mochof, Heda. The living tents are in that clearing over here, those are the kitchens and the three deep orange tents are the healer’s. We have constructed a set of stables over there. With your permission Eace and Negie will assist you.”_

_“Mochof, Ationa.”_ The rest of her entourage nodded in respect to the chief and they rode over to the aforementioned clearing, now joined by two young seconds. They made quick work of the tents and Lexa insisted on helping with the horses, hating that protocol stipulated she just sit around idly while the others set up her tent and throne. She had considered whether to even bring it with them as it was a lot of extra weight, but she was bound by her people’s beliefs and opinions as much as they were by her laws.

Ationa approached not ten minutes after they finished and Eace had brought them all some food. They sat down together at the table Eace and Negie had managed to turn up. It took most of Lexa’s remaining restraint, not to wolf down the food in front of her. Once they had finished, she motioned for Ationa to give her the full report.

 _“Well, This center clearing was wiped clean by the impact, most of our homes have been entirely destroyed, but as you can see some of them are still standing at the edges. The initial blast took out most of our elderly. Thank the gods that we had two large hunting parties out at the time and that the children were training at the river. We have been able to establish temporary housing for the survivors and we are making decent progress through the rubble, but our warriors and horses are tired from shifting the stone and the healer would have run out of herbs two times over, had she not had the foresight to send children out with samples to gather more. In all we have recovered 327 bodies, with another 134 unaccounted for, 216 dead, another 68 have succumbed to their wounds, most before the healer arrived, we currently have 43 injured under her care. Excluding them we have 179 survivors, those unable to help in the search efforts are working on recovering belongings, cooking, watching the children and assisting in the construction.”_ Lexa could hear the pain in the chief’s voice, she clearly cared very deeply about her people. Lexa gave her a sympathetic nod, before speaking.

_“May the Spirit guide them home. You said the healer showed up?”_

_“Sha, Heda. Our village healer Trigu was one of the first bodies we found. This healer showed up with a warrior four days ago.”_ Ationa spoke of this healer in an ambiguous tone and she perplexed Lexa as well. Healers were well respected figures, yet they usually stayed in their village for life and truly very few became nomads. Had this one, something to hide?

 _“Would you speak well of her?”_ Lexa ventured.

 _“Sha, Heda. If nothing else, then that. She and her companion had saved many a life since they have arrived. Kala is very knowledgeable and handles the many injured with an almost practiced ease. She has great foresight and has already begun training one of our own, Alexsa, in the art.”_

_“So what kind of impression has she made on you?”_ People with secrets were rarely something Lexa could afford.

 _“Kala seems trustworthy and highly capable, however, I have only known the woman for four days.”_ Lexa nodded.

_“It would be appreciated if I could speak to her. She may have a unique insight on how we could organize the assistance from the other warriors.”_

_“Glady, Heda. However, I do find it worth mentioning that I believe she is not planning to stay.”_

_“That is understandable, still.”_ Lexa said with a hand gesture. This woman was grew more perplexing by the minute. Ationa motined for a small boy to come closer. He bowed to Lexa, then turned to his chief.

 _“Run to Alexsa and tell her to fetch Kala. Heda wishes to speak to her.”_ He ran off. At Lexa’s inquisitorial look, Ationa elaborated. _“We have all learned to avoid entering without permission as much as possible and always let Aurora or Alexsa go first. Kala is fond of children, but dislikes ‘people who don’t have a clue what is going on trampling’ through her workspace.”_

_“She has had that much of an influence already?”_

_“A man once got so drunk that he knocked over her boiling kettle of cleaning fluid. She looked like she was ready to give him death by a thousand cuts. Even my bravest warriors avoided her after that, they, and I, have gained a deep respect for her.”_ Lexa was impressed. She leaned back as they waited for Alexsa and Kala to arrive. It was no more than a quarter of an hour later when a small brunette girl approached them cautiously with a muscular redhead in tow. The woman, who was undoubtedly the healer Kala, immediately caught Lexa’s eye. She wore an abnormal amount of weapons hidden about her body, so many that Lexa herself wasn't even sure she could find them all, and she moved in a way that Lexa had never seen before, like a predator, but uniquely light and poised, yet lethal and sharp. She held her head slightly bowed, shielding her face from view. 

When the duo got closer both took a knee and bow respectfully her. She dismissed the girl. The woman did not rise. _“I have heard what you have done for this village. I thank you for your efforts.”_ Lexa spoke in the Commander’s tone. The woman before her squirmed slightly, but did not look up as she responded.

 _“I am honored by your thanks, Heda. I simply wished to help where I could.”_ It sounded foreign, yet the healer’s voice slithered familiarly through her senses, leaving behind a trace of the woman that had hoarded Lexa’s thoughts for far too long. _What was she doing here?_ Her heart started pounding and she just barely held in a gasp. It seemed as if the woman in front of her could sense the change in Lexa, as she now slowly looked up to gaze into the Commander’s eyes. 

Lexa’s forest green orbs met walls of cold blue steel and it **hurt**. It hurt deep down in her spirit. Before, even if the blonde was trying to hide her feelings, her eyes had always told Lexa how she truly felt about whichever situation they were in. Those eyes had been warm, kind and so expressive of their owner’s emotions, yet now they were an emotionless wasteland. Clarke had always been so open, so honest about her feelings, claiming them as a strength instead of a weakness, it truly stung to have the other woman close herself off so completely from the world. _I did that to her_ , Lexa thought, _this is my fault_.

Tears threatened to escape her eyes, but she forced them down. They were not in private where Lexa could afford to show her feelings, like she had done in the tent before the Mountain. They were exposed and in the direct presence of one of her officers, this was no place for feelings. Or apologies.

Lexa steeled herself for the conversation to come.

_“This makes your actions no less deserving of my gratitude.”_

_“I do not leave people who are in need of my help defenseless.”_

_“You have managed the situation quite well.”_

_“I had hoped it would not have to come for this, the necessity for my gifts often comes with great strife.”_

_“I to am sadded that it had to come to this tragedy.”_

Clarke simply nodded at Lexa’s last, but her eyes morphed into icy tundras, leaving Lexa to contain a wince. In conflict to the freezing stare, Clarke kept her tone falsely warm and respectful.

_“I had heard you wished to speak to me about a matter of some urgency. If that is not the case I would respectfully like to request that this conversation be moved to a point in time where I do not have two people in my care just barely holding on to their lives.”_

_“I thought that you may have a unique insight on how we may organize help in the most efficient way once it arrives from Polis, but we can have this discussion when you do not have injured in need of your immediate attention. May the gods have mercy on them and you Kala kom Kru.”_

_“Mochof, Heda.”_ This time Clarke was the one who walked away. For Lexa each step felt like a punch to the gut, rubbing salt into the wound of her heartbreak. She had not known how deeply she had fallen for the Skai Prisa, until she had betrayed her trust and felt how much it hurt her to see the pain in the blonde’s eyes. It equaled the sensation of pushing a serrated sword into her gut and turning it along with their fate.


End file.
